Flipswitch
by Mr CJ
Summary: Kyon wakes up one morning to find his entire world tossed upside down... REWRITE, genderflip
1. Just Another Manic Monday

**Flipswitch (Mark Two) by MrCJ (aka Guessmyname)**  
_Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu is owned by Nagaru Tanigawa. He is not me, thus I do not own any of his characters or anything like that.  
Please don't sue._

* * *

It began on Monday. God only knows why, and I'm hesitant to ask her, so there goes that line of inquiry.

After all, just how _do_ you walk up to someone who you've known for years and ask them why they've (unknowingly) turned you into a girl?

I screamed and tried to back away from the mirror so fast that I failed miserably and fell over backwards instead. You'd've thought the whole 'I'm shorter now' thing would have given it away sooner, though the link between sleepiness and cognitive capacity can probably be blamed for that oversight.

In any case, I lay there, propped up in a sitting position against the bathroom wall and staring at a face in the mirror that wasn't mine. Same brown-coloured hair (now down to my armpits, more or less), same hazel eyes. Softer, rounder, female face and proportions. I also looked paler, though that was probably shock.

Speaking of shock, I looked like a madwoman; the sort you see in asylums on tv with mussed up hair that scrabble at walls and never seem to blink. The white nightgown I seemed to be wearing certainly didn't help the image.

I tugged slightly at the gown. It was a good fit, which ruled out it being sister's: I may be shorter, but not _that_ shorter. It couldn't be my mother's either, because, well, I was shorter.

All in all, what that pointed to was not good.

I scampered back to my room, thanking whatever gods were out there (except for the one responsible) that it was still waaaaay too early for the rest of my family to be awake. Thank the heavens for insomnia and it's captivating thrall that made me wake up before everyone else.

Oh, wait. I screamed, didn't I?

I'd better move fast. I needed to check something. I needed to check a _lot_ of things.

I nipped into my room and closed the door. It didn't have lock so I did the next best thing and jammed my chair under the doorknob. I'd rather not have to explain this to my family, especially when I don't know enough to explain it to myself. I practically lunged at my wardrobe, flinging the door open.

A North High school uniform female edition skirt and sailor top stared back, hanging neatly on a clothes hanger like it was supposed to be there.

There was a word looping through my mind at that point, and that word was '_Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit…'_

Quickly followed by _'My God Haruhi, what have you DONE?!'_

Right. Crap. I'm a girl. Damned if I know why, but I'm a girl. Think. _Think._ How do I fix this? Asides from gender-corrective surgery.

For those wondering about the 'why' and the 'how', don't worry, I'll get to that. After hanging around with Haruhi Suzumiya for a good year or two, you stop asking such futile questions. You'll never get a straight answer out of anyone anyway so it's better to just try to fix it and move on before the next weirdness can tip your world even further upside down. Such is my life as lady luck's personal bitch.

Right. Stop whining. See the facts. Apart from having been spontaneously shot over the gender barrier by a cannon, my abilities beyond the normal and the mundane are nil. You'd have better luck with a potato. There's no way I can fix this on my own.

Thus, find someone who can.

In my short, improbable, logic-defying life there is only one person in this world capable of putting (and willing to put-) reality through a blender when asked. Well, two people really. Three if you're willing to count knife-crazy nut-cases that thankfully got deleted from existence. Actually, there's probably even more than that, I just don't know about them yet so I've kindof lost the point here somewhere…

Ah, yeah. If something this insane happens, there's only one person you can really turn to. A certain Miss Nagato Yuki. A little, reality-rewriting bubble of impenetrable calm in a crazy world of unknowing gods, alien data-deities and Bond-esque Esper unions with too much money.

No matter what happens, Nagato can fix it. I know this because she has before. Twice, that I know of (even if it was once her fault…).

I went for the door in a mad scramble, but managed to stop myself just short of removing the chair. Think, Kyon! Use that brain of yours!

I can't just waltz out the front-door without my family noticing. I can't have that, so I guess I'll have to pull a fairytale cliché and go with a bed-sheet ladder out of a window. I also can't do it in a nightie. Not without getting arrested at any rate, and that's the last thing I need…

A cursory sweep of the rest of my wardrobe proved that the all of my other clothes had switched genders alongside me too, so I just went with the school uniform. It's a school-day anyway, so this is about the only way I'm getting into North Junior High at any rate. Thankfully, the fact that I didn't know how to put on a bra was not an issue. The 'perks' of femininity were, for me at least, quite small.

That done, I went to gather my bedding.

Wait, there's still a flaw here. Damn it, I really shouldn't try to plan major repairs to reality at 5 in the morning whilst on an adrenaline high…

Simply put, the flaw runs like this: even if this is fixed in a day, when I come back my parents are going to have some awkward questions waiting for my return when they see a bed-sheet ladder dangling out my window. And before even that, the moment they see what's happened, they'll contact the police, assuming I've run away from home. All in all, it'll make coming back even harder.

On the other hand, I can't let them see me like this, as that'd cough up even _more_ questions.

Well, it _is_ freakishly early, and I don't appear to have woken anyone up with my screaming theatrics in front of a mirror yet (maybe they didn't recognise the voice?). Perhaps I can slip out. Yeah, that could work. If I leave a note, explaining that I've gone to school early…

Oh, wait. On a technical note, I won't be, will I? The student ever known as 'Kyon', who is male and in the class of one Sensei Okabe is not going to arrive to school today. Instead, some random girl no-one's ever seen and isn't in any official records_ is_. There's no way around it; at some point, someone is going to notice that 'I' don't seem to exist: both my old male self and this new person I appear to be stuck in.

Ah screw it, I'll leave cover-up to Itsuki. It's his department anyway.

I left a hastily scribbled note taped to the fridge, saying that I was going to school early, I'd explain later and not to worry etc etc blah-blah-blah, snatched up my bag (it would look weird if I left it behind), slipped into my shoes and left the dark, empty house behind.

God it's cold. How on earth can anyone put up with these skirts? I'm freezing!

Hmm. Given how early it is (sunrise couldn't have been too long ago), would Nagato even be at school yet? It's not like I don't know where she lives; I've visited it about a dozen times by now.

It's also not up a ridiculously steep 'hill'.

I headed for Nagato's.

* * *

It's not that long a bike ride to get there, and as exercise it keeps the legs warm, if somewhat stiff afterwards. As I said, it's bloody cold this early in the morning.

I arrived without fanfare, simply chaining my bike to a convenient post nearby and walking up to the vaguely monolithic apartment block Nagato calls home. Or lives in; I'm not sure if she understands the concept of 'home'. I walked up the door and hoped they'd accept visitors this early in the morning.

I sincerely hope Nagato will recognise me. Like, some kind of data burst from Haruhi or something must have given my impromptu sex-change away. I'm vaguely surprised she hasn't contacted me already. At least my hair and eye colour appear to be exactly the same. She should spot _that,_ at least; if I try to explain what happened, she should believe me.

I buzzed the intercom, hoping Nagato was even awake (does she actually sleep? Does she need to? She probably fakes it for appearances, but she actually need it?)

Wait… if my hair and eye colour hasn't changed, would that mean my actual body has changed gender? As opposed to, I dunno, it being swapped with that of some hapless girl somewhere?

Meh, does it matter? It would only matter a little if it _had_ been an actual body swap, because that would imply that said hapless girl would presumably be stuck in my actual, male body – though you'd think I wouldn't've woken up in my own bed if that was the case. Which it isn't. Probably.

Ah screw it, I haven't a _clue_ what's going on.

I buzzed the intercom for Nagato's room again.

Hopefully she can fix it. Hopefully. No, I _know_ she can: she once rewrote reality entire to prevent Haruhi from coming to our school and stop the SOS Brigade ever being formed. Heck, I think she even wiped out the Integrated Data Thought Entity doing _that_. Flipping my gender flag back to male should be well within her power.

Assuming Haruhi hasn't done something to make it irreversible save for a few set conditions her subconscious wants completing. Which she probably has. Petulant git.

Ah, I can't be mad. Sure, I can be angry, irritated and highly confused (stress and shock also deserve a mention) but not _mad_. It's not like she does it on purpose. Unless she's playing us all for silly buggers and is very aware of what's going on, though I somehow doubt that. She's too blunt.

I buzzed Nagato a third time, holding the buzzer down. Wake up already!

Still though, what on earth could she want from me? I can't remember doing anything wrong, so I doubt this is some sort of punishment. Some external factor perhaps? And… and why turn me into a girl? It's just a physical change: I'm still me. What does stealing my Y chromosome achieve? That just doesn't make any _sense!_

Oh for heaven's sake Nagato, WAKE UP!

My watch beeped 06:00 AM exactly. There was a click, a sudden burst of static and then –

"Yes."

The voice was warped a bit by the intercom, but it was unmistakably Nagato. Who else would answer the phone with a statement? And in that monotone?

"Gods Nagato, do you only ever wake up at 6AM?" I asked in frustration. "Look, it's me Kyon. I know I sound like a girl, but it _is_ me. I need to talk to you, can you let me in or something?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Nagato?"

"…"

"Hello?"

"…"

"Nagato!"

"…"

I know she's there, I can hear her breathing: it's making the intercom crackle in rhythm.

"Nagato! Is something wrong? It's me, Kyon!"

--BEEEEEEP--

. . .

I stared at the white intercom box in disbelief.

I think she just hung up on me.

This can't be good.

* * *

I peered up from my leaning pose against the wall to look at Nagato's window again for the _n_th time.

Damn it! Did something happen? Is she in trouble? I know where her room is – it's room 708, 7th floor but how do I get _in?_ You need a pass to get through these doors.

Hmph. Well, they _are_ glass, and it's not like it's my real body or anything. If I have to, I can break in.

No, wait. That's a stupid idea. I'd attract a load of attention doing it and not-my-body or no, it's still going to hurt like a bitch if I get lacerations from broken glass. And probably be quite rehabilitating and generally unpleasant too boot. And if Nagato really _is_ in trouble, what can I do? The best I could ever hope to achieve is to provide a quick distraction. A crappy, easily deformed distraction at that.

Still, waiting sucks.

I checked my watch. Nearly quarter-past seven. She's going to need to leave now if she's going to get to school on time.

Damnit, I've been standing in the cold for over an hour here! In this damn skirt too! Where the hell are you, Nagato?

The glass doors hissed open and some North High guy walked out. People had been leaving at fairly regular intervals all morning, so it was nothing new. Still, the profile was too tall to be Nagato and it was a man anyway - he was wearing the blazer and everything – so I didn't spare him a second glance.

At least not for a few seconds, anyway.

My head snapped back up as something horrifying clicked into place in my brain.

Same hair colour…

I broke into a run, trying not to stumble as my legs were suddenly forced to start moving again.

"Hey, wait!"

If it's not Nagato, I can pretend to be someone else. This isn't my real appearance after all.

The boy didn't respond, just kept on walking. That didn't reassure me in the slightest.

"Wait, wait! Hey, you! Yes, YOU, with the purple-y hair!"

The boy paused and turned slowly to look at me with cold, indifferent yellow-gold eyes framed by metal rimmed glasses that caught the sun for a moment as he turned around. His purple hair fell thickly around his head, slightly longer at the front to frame his alabaster-white face.

It's Yuki. As a he. This is not good.

It's… it's like looking at cosplay or something. Kinda both right and wrong at the same time. I mean, it's obviously Nagato, but… he looks so… off? Like a bad replica.

His eyes bored into mine patiently, as though inspecting mud on a shoe.

Crap, what do I say now?

"Girl from the intercom." Nagato said, instantly breaking the illusion. He had a deep, rich baritone voice, like roast black coffee. Nothing like the real Nagato's barely audible whisper. Still got the emotion range of a brick though.

I was about to reply when I realised what Nagato'd said was a statement, rather than a question.

"You… you're a boy…?" I said instead, saying the only other thing running through my head at that moment.

"Yes." Nagato replied simply, before turning on his heel and continuing on his way.

I rushed forwards to catch up and kept pace beside him. Nagato didn't respond.

"Wait!"

"…"

"Do you know what happened?"

"…"

"Why have we switched genders?"

Nagato's eyes swilled around to meet mine again, but he still made no response. Not this 'silent treatment' again! You're not Abraham Maslow damn it!

"Look, did Haruhi do something?"

_That_ got his attention. Or at least made him stop walking anyway. I took an extra half-step before I noticed and pulled back alongside him. He stared at my eyes, I stared back. The sooner I get answers, the sooner I can resolve this mess.

"Was there any… I dunno, Data Outburst or something? Did the Integrated Data Thought Entity spot anything? Please, Nagato, you have to know_ something._"

Nagato just continued to stare with that emotionless mask that both familiar and strange at the same time.

A sudden thought struck me. I hoped it was wrong.

"…Nagato, are being forced to withhold information?"

The only movement Nagato made was to blink after about ten seconds. Just when I was about to ask another question, he finally spoke up.

"You know of the Integrated Data Thought Entity."

Another statement. "Um… yes?"

"You know of Haruhiko Suzumiya."

"Yes I – wait, w-"

"You know of the Living Humanoid Interfaces and their purpose."

"I… yes?"

Cue pause. Nagato seemed to shift his posture slightly.

It was as though he was expecting an attack.

"How?" He asked simply, his first question of the entire day.

'How'? What'd'you mean 'how'? I'm Kyon! Of course I know! I'm a member of the SOS Brigade, remem…  
…ber…

I have a bad feeling about this.

Nagato continued to watch me, as though ready and waiting for any sudden movements, though in truth he didn't actually look that different from his default state. Still, when reading Nagato, it's all in the little details.

Little details that, in hindsight, will have been completely screwed over by the gender swap. I can't read him. I have no idea what he's thinking.

That scares me a little.

Nagato blinked, the slight movement knocking me out of my reverie.

No, that's definitely a defensive posture. It doesn't look any different from a standard walking pose, but you can just see it in the placement of his feet and the set of his shoulders. All in all though, the biggest give away is his gaze. His eyes are piercing me properly now: unlike his earlier, almost laconic watch that simply served to show what he was paying attention to at the time, this is a harder stare. It's like he's looking for answers or clues.

He wants to know what I'm going to do next. Oh well, I guess that means we're on equal footing then. Well, knowledge-wise, anyway.

"Nagato," I began, a sneaking suspicion making my heart sink, "do you know who I am?"

Nagato looked at me right in the face. "No."

…shit.

Nagato suddenly started walking again. I had to run to catch up.

"So you don't know me?"

"No."

"Do you know a male student with my hair and eye colour?"

"No."

Well that rules out him just not recognising me: he really doesn't know who I am. This is bad.

"My question."

Huh?

"It is unanswered."

Oh, right!

…damn, where do I _start_?

"I… er…" I struggled for words. "Basically, I woke up this morning as a girl."

"Your gender is incorrect?"

"Yes, it is! Then I go to find you and find out what on earth's going on, only you've changed too, and you don't a clue who I am?"

"I am supposed to know you?"

"We've spent a year together in the SOS Brigade, of course you're supposed to know me!"

"You are affiliated with the SOS Brigade?"

The way Nagato said it, I got the horrible feeling he didn't know what that was either.

"Of course I am, I was the first person recruited!"

"By whom?"

"By Haruhi Suzumiya! Who else?"

"One year ago?"

"_Yes!_"

Nagato seemed to pause, as if considering carefully what to say next. Finally…

"Haruhiko Suzumiya has not formed any brigades or other similar military chains of command at any point in his life span. You are mistaken."

And with that, he walked through the school gates without so much as a backwards glance.

This is very,_ very_ bad.


	2. Hail to the Chief

**Flipswitch (Mark Two) by MrCJ (aka Guessmyname)**  
_Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu is owned by Nagaru Tanigawa. He is not me, thus I do not own any of his characters or anything like that.  
Please don't sue._

**Chapter 2 - "Hail to the Chief"**

Oh. Crap. Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap!

Nagato doesn't know what the SOS Brigade is. Actually, scratch that: Nagato doesn't know ME!

Crap!

This is bad, this is bad this is baaa-aaad!

Damn it, last time something like this happened, it was when Nagato rewrote reality: there were no secret identities and Haruhi Suzumiya went to a different school, thus no SOS Brigade. Nagato and I had (presumably) done little more than pass each other in corridors in _that_ timeline!

No, wait… stop, slow down. Stop bloody panicking!

Okay… So. Nagato doesn't know about the SOS Brigade, or to be more precise, there is no SOS Brigade for Nagato to know about. Oh, and the pair of us have apparently switched genders, that too.

Not a lot to go on really is it?

I can't see how a gender flip would make it so that the SOS Brigade never existed… must be some sort of alternative universe? I mean, Nagato didn't notice his (Her? Which pronouns should I be using in this situation?) newfound manhood – he was surprised when I mentioned it. Well, not exactly surprised – this _is_ Nagato we're talking about – it was more like 'new information, must file'. I wonder what he'll do with it: he didn't know me, maybe he thought I was a raving idiot?

No… I showed enough knowledge of Haruhi and whatnot for him to _have_ to believe me.

Hopefully.

Last time something like this happened, it was caused – basically – by time travel: stop Haruhi from going to North High, watch what happens. Like this time, there was no SOS Brigade, just a lone literature club member (who would probably have been quite cute had she been blatantly _not_ Nagato: kind-of hard to accept someone when they look exactly like but act completely different from the real person. Okay, 'completely different' is a bit of an exaggeration, but still…)

I'm going off-track again. Damnit! Right. The two situations aren't_ that_ different really. No SOS brigade, and the original members are different than what they used to be. Last time, they had no secret identities. This time, they (well, Nagato) do, but have had their gender changed. I'm guessing a gender flip – if purely physical, as it seems to be in my case – wouldn't stop the SOS Brigade being formed… was there a psychological change built in too? Is_ that_ why the genders were flipped? To mess with everyone's brain chemistry and make them think that little bit differently?

Oh CRAP the gates are closing!

If my sudden lack of attentiveness is attributable to my suddenly having a female constitution and brain, then yes. I nearly got myself locked out there by spacing out. That _would_ have been bad. Good thing I nipped in in time…

Wait a sec, I'm _still_ doing it, aren't I! Damn you girl-me!

I trudged on forwards and entered the school proper. Given that Nagato barely just arrived on time and I stood around like a loony for about ten minutes, I'd guess the first class is in session.

I say that because I need to check one of the rooms in the art building, stat.

I'm not an idiot. I learn from my mistakes.

Last time this sort of thing happened, I wasted valuable time under the mistaken belief that Haruhi no longer existed. This was incorrect: whilst she was no longer in my class, or even my school, she was still alive and violently kicking.

Equally, in this case, just because Nagato says the Brigade was never founded or doesn't exist, doesn't mean it's not there. It doesn't mean it no longer exists _in form_. This world's already vastly different from the norm: genders have changed, and according to Nagato names have changed.

So why not the SOS Brigade?

I mean, hell; it stands for so many words anyway it couldn't be that hard to pull out a new acronym. And it doesn't have to be a Brigade, it could easily have been called a Club instead, or possibly a Cult. Actually, that last one's more likely. Must remember never to mention that in Haruhi's presence…

Anyway, I nipped up into the half-decrepit arts building, darting around random chairs, bins, doors and other random clutter with all the skills I'd learnt from various attempts at running away from things over the years and arrived at a certain room in a certain corridor at just the right time for a bell to go off.

The tag on the door read 'Literature Club'. I put a hand on the handle and pushed.

An empty room greeted me.

I mean empty. Literally empty. No cooker, no heater, no blackmailed laptop of the SOS Brigade, no clothes rack of cosplay costumes to torture Mikuru with. Equally no desk, no cheap metal chairs or stacks and shelves of books. A literal empty room, completely bare. Just four walls, one window and a dirty wood panel floor.

It wasn't even the _Literature_ Clubroom.

Panic rose quickly.

Okay… okay… I don't _need_ to panic, right? It might just be in a different room along with it's different name… right?

No, wait. Different SOS clubroom should equal this being the Lit-Club room. Who are you kidding, _PANIC_.

That lasted about 5 minutes. Girl-me gets panic attacks it seems.

When I finally stopped hyperventilating, my brain finally decided to kick back into gear.

Okay, so there's no SOS Brigade. Next objective: make sure there is a Haruhi Suzumiya.

Nagato already mentioned her (him?), so she should be around here. Perhaps not in this school? I'll have to check. The 'secret identities' all seem to be intact (probably – don't know about Mikuru and Itsuki), and given Nagato's suspicion when I brought her up, Haruhi should still be 'en-powered'. Which leads to the obvious question of 'What would stop the SOS Brigade being formed if everything else is intact?'. Something so small as a 'gender-flip' can't have stopped it being formed (sure it may look big, but really it changes very little - it's mostly cosmetic), and knowing Haruhi, ie Miss 'Male or Female, I Care Not!', it probably wouldn't matter anyway.

So why hasn't it been formed?

People in the corridors were greeted with the sight of a sub-sonic whiff of brown hair and sailor top zipping along the corridors and vaulting chairs. I've gotten used to running fast. You kinda have to when Haruhi's dragging you around by the tie at the speeds of an Olympic runner. If you don't, you'll get dragged around instead (which will neither slow her down or make her stop) and your knees will never forgive you. That was a hard learned lesson, I can tell you.

I need to get to class. I need to get to class to learn something. The teachers would be proud if it weren't for a) it's not for academic purposes, b) I'm late anyway and c) it's about girls (though given that I myself am currently a girl anyway, they probably won't care about that. Which in itself is the problem...)

I reached 1-5, skidded to a halt in front of 1-1, backtracked, reached 1-5 _again_ and reached for the door handle, only for it be opened right in front of me.

Thankfully, I managed to avoid the time-honoured cliché of accidentally grabbing the person opening the door. Which is good, because it was a guy who opened it, and grabbing him there would a very bad (and probably quite painful) first impression.

The blue-haired boy looked surprised, and then quickly segued into a pleasant smile Itsuki could take pointers from. Looks like that deadpan protagonist from Key's latest stab at harem anime in a lot of ways.

"Found her, sensei." He declared by way of a greeting.

"-Eh?" Came my sensible reply.

"Oh. Well done." nodded the old woman standing at the front of the class, modelled like someone's wheezing auntie, before she focused her disapproving eyes on me. "Please take a seat; you nearly missed the introductions."

...huh?

Finding Haruhi dropped to wayside in the face of this new weirdness.

"There's a spare seat over there." The woman pointed to a seat towards the middle of the classroom. Another one was near the back by the windows - presumably belonging to the unexpected doorman.

"Come along, you're already late and we don't have all day!" the woman barked in tones that would make soldiers snap to attention parade-ground style and make my body jerk in automatic response, knowing it had to move but not where or how. The boy gave me a small nudge, which snapped me it out of it quickly. Seems my girl-body is sensitive to touch, yay. I took my seat quickly.

The old woman cleared her throat and sent me another disapproving glance. Just who is this person anyway? Where's Okabe-sensei?

"Now that we're all here." Another pointed glance. Yes, I was late. I get message already. "It's time for introductions, starting from the person closest to the door." She clapped her hands together sternly. "Begin."

Seriously? Who is this person? And what's this stupidity about introductions? Who's to be introduced, is there a student or something? What's going on?

The person closest to the door stood up and gave us his name. I recognised it as one of the girls from my old class, just the masculine version instead of the feminine. It wasn't someone I particularly knew, just a name and a face, but it still felt odd to see someone unfamiliar using a name I recognised. You know when you meant an opposite-gender twin of a friend? That sense of weird familiarity with someone you know you've never really met before? It's kinda like that.

In any case, what's with the introductions? We already know who he/she is, what's the point? Are we reintroducing everyone? Why? And where's Okabe-sensei? Do we have a new teacher or something? Is that way we're having reintroductions all over again? That's not how a new teacher is introduced, is it? If that's the case then why is our old homeroom teacher being replaced anyway?

Just what the hell is going on here?

The reintroduction ceremony proceeded, with students announcing their names with a few facts and bad jokes before sitting down again, proceeding back and forth along the rows and columns like a slow-motion Mexican Wave, revealing both the extent of the genderflip and the fact that someone had messed with the seating plan again. My turn rolled along so up I stood. In the process, my head level inevitably rose above the messy bush of hair from the girl in front, giving me a clear view of the blackboard at the front of the room.

You know how new people, teachers and students, introducing themselves to a class always write their names on the blackboard for all to see? Well, this new sensei was no different.

Literally. She wasn't new at all.

"Okabe Etsuko" was written in neat, sharp kanji for all to see.

Everything suddenly dropped into place with horrifying precision.

The eyes of the entire class on me, I quickly stammered my way through an introduction and slumped lifelessly into my seat as my thoughts overwhelmed me.

Okabe-sensei introducing herself before an unknown class.

The introduction ceremony itself, each student introducing themselves to the other students, not just the teacher.

The 'new' seating plan, the one which I finally recognised as the one we had at the start of last year...

A seating plan that would logically mean that the brown haired boy in the seat behind me giving his introduction was-

"-Suzumiya Haruhiko! A graduate of East Junior High!"

Black hair, deep brown eyes. No yellow ribbons (thank the gods...), but the same old defiant stance and piercing glare that drew attention like a magnet. A boy/manchild that stood out in the world and dared the world to knock him back down. Like Kamina but on less drugs. An inspiring sight that drew respect from the male half of the room and the beginnings of adoration from the other.

All of which promptly shot in the foot and dragged off screaming into oblivion with what he said next.

"I don't have interest in ordinary people. If anyone here is an alien, time traveller, slider, or esper, please come see me! That is all."

Complete silence. Even Okabe was staring. Haruhiko's glare scanned the room, taking slightly extra notice of me (I looked like my parents had just died or something). His demands made, he returned to his seat, eyes pointed forwards but not focussed in anything in particular.

So that was it then. That was why the SOS Brigade didn't exist. That was why Nagato didn't know me. We were right back to where it all started. The first year. The very beginning.

Haruhi, what have you done?

I just sat there for a few minutes, brain on overdrive, letting the nervous introductions of the rest of the class just wash over me in my sense of deep, numbing shock.

Time travel. A gender flip. What the hell?

"-Ryouko"

Eh? Someone mention-

"I came from a school nearby and was class monitor there. I hope to make a lot of friends! Pleased to meet you all!"

The blue haired boy from earlier sat down with a gentle, unassuming smile that just radiated kindness and humility. A smile that was also eerily familiar, and one I knew would never break, even when it's bearer was dying.

Or attempting murder.

No, you've got to be kidding. This can't be happening, not all in one day! You have to give me time between the shocks, I can't take them all at once! Recovery! I need some space of a recovery period at least!

That ever pleasant psychotic, Asakura Ryouko, was back in town.

* * *

In hindsight, I should probably have seen that coming. I mean, we've travelled right back to the very start of the year, thus, chronologically speaking, Asakura has not been deleted from existence yet. Still, it was a shock, and I was still reeling from all the others that had assailed me over the course of the day, and thus less than prepared to deal with it like I normally would. It's never a pleasant experience when you discover that someone who went so far as to _rewrite reality_ just to kill you is back from the dead.

Still, these two things are still not making much sense. Simply knocking everything back a year shouldn't mean anything - logically, everything will just repeat itself, right? And the gender-flip is just a cosmetic change. The only real different this time around would be me.

I know what's going to happen. I know everything's the wrong gender. If it weren't for that and I were completely oblivious of these two facts, events would just repeat themselves with the only difference in the pronouns. In theory, if I do nothing and just let things play out all over again, the same may occur, but that would result in me being trapped in girl-mode for the rest of my life.

Like hell is that going to happen.

You want change? Bring it on.

* * *

A/N: Sorry about the delay. Writers block + Uni Applications kinda messed up my writing cycle. This one's a bit shorter, I know, but I just ran into a really good, dramatic point to end it on, and thus did. Enjoy, and thanks for all the comments! -gets to work on Chapter 3-


	3. Family Matters

**Flipswitch (Mark Two) by MrCJ (aka Guessmyname)**  
_Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu is owned by Nagaru Tanigawa. Obligatory requests of not-sueage here. Blah blah blah copyright, blah blah do not infringe on threat of kittens._

**Chapter 3: Family Matters**

For all my gusto, the swathing armies of change never actually got anywhere. In fact, they had petered out by lunchtime, where I found myself eating with frustration (and as far, far away from Asakura as possible in one small classroom) with the female versions of Taniguchi and Kunikida. It's quite weird actually. Those who already looked quite androgynous like Kunikida barely changed at all, save for the uniforms. It was like discovering one of your best friends was a cross-dresser. Very strange.

Taniguchi, meanwhile, was just as she used to be. Taller, granted, with longer hair and a sporty figure, but still just as obsessed with the opposite gender as the old version. Ironically, being female probably gave her a better chance of a relationship (men in general are a bit less picky, I guess) but I suppose it was too early to tell. From her introductory ravings, I got the distinct impression she would probably end up scaring everyone else off. Bloody genki girls.

"You look depressed, Kyonko-chan!" Taniguchi said cheerfully, leaning forwards over her bento to peer closely at my face in a disturbing manner. I could just tell that nearly every word she spoke was going to be punctuated by some physical gesture or other.

The name earned her a wince all of it's own. "Did you just call me...?"

"Kyonko-chan? Yeah. Kuni-chan told me about your nickname earlier."

Wonderful. The stupid nickname just got stupider. Kunikida didn't look too pleased about Taniguchi's random suffixation practises either.

"You don't like it? I think it's cute!"

She backed away when she noticed I'd just set the Death Glare to 'Full', then relaxed when I turned it off and slumped on the table. I'd finished lunch five minutes earlier, and have more important things to give a damn about than what people call me.

Like, say, just _when_ Asakura is going to gut me.

"Just call me Kyon or Kyonko, please." I asked listlessly, blowing strands of hair out of my face. I'm no good with hair this long. Maybe I should tie it back or something.

Taniguchi watched me for a second, before bursting back into that irritatingly cheerful smile. Where do you get your boundless optimism from? Let me have some for once! "Sure thing, Kyonko!" she said, beaming. "What do you think, Kuni-chan?"

Kunikida raised a calm hand. "May I request the same treatment?" She said, without even diverting her gaze from the window.

Taniguchi stared, then flopped onto the table next to me. Then she yelped when she realised she'd just leaned into her own lunch. The entire table burst into laughter. Well, one polite giggle, one less polite snicker and one Mikuru-style 'Reeeeeeeh?'. Neither of the two noticed that I'd managed to divert the conversation away from the difficult subject of my own depression right from under the noses. Mwahaha.

This is the gist of the problem I'm currently faced with. Change. More specifically, how to go about it. Whoever set up this situation wants it, that much is clear, but the question is what. What do they want changing? What's their agenda? It's hard to rage against the machine when you don't know what the machine _is_.

Of the list of possible suspects, Haruhi is the furthest down the list. Past experience has proven that she only twists reality on it's head - and by that I mean global changes, not just making pigeons turn into doves, for example - because her subconscious wants something. Hers is not a known power to herself. It's purely instinctive; her changes are far more blunt and to the point. She is, in effect, incapable of subtlety where her reality-warping powers come into play, because she cannot use them consciously by simple merit of not even knowing they're there. Thus, we can more or less rule her out. Nothing in my recent memory shows any reason for her to do this, and as far as I can tell she stands nothing to gain from this situation. She thinks she's an ordinary student. What she wants is aliens, espers and weirdness, and she's had that for plenty a time. What could she possibly want that she could only achieve through liberal use of sex changes and reset buttons?

Second above Haruhi is Itsuki's Organisation. They're job, as best I can tell, is to maintain the status quo. This is way out of their way in terms of objectives. Besides, supernaturally speaking they have very little power: most of their influence is economic and lies in their intelligence services. They're basically MI5 with a bit of extra weirdness. The only reason they're rated above Haruhi is because I don't know them as well. My only real link to them, Itsuki, is - in my mind - the least trustworthy of the group. No disrespect intended to him/her/whichever, just trying to be rational here. For this same reason, the Tsuruya's are also listed on this same level. For all the scion of that family's apparent genkiness and lunacy, she wields an incredible amount of power, the sort you can't get from being an idiot. For all I know, that could easily be as much a front as Itsuki's paper-thin smiles. Whilst I don't deny that they're probably up to _something_, I highly doubt it's this.

Above the Organisation and their affiliates lie Mikuru's band of Time Travellers. Similar to the Organisation, they seem to be interested in making things stay the same so that they can investigate uninterrupted. Whilst time-travel is well within their purview, gender flips aren't. Like the Organisation, they are more likely to be allies in this situation. The only reason they're higher up on the chart is because of their more supernatural bent. Plus, the only person from that group I've ever even met is Mikuru. Whilst I trust her to have our best interests at heart, the rest of her group are completely unknown to me.

The most likely candidate amongst those I would consider my allies would be the Integrated Data Thought Entity. Or the Integrated Sentient Data Entity, whatever it's called. Time travel and gender-flipping are both well within their capabilities. Asakura had already proved on multiple occasions that the Humanoid Interfaces are far from united, and the big guy himself - the IDTE in charge of all this - is just beyond our own limited intelligence, and therefore impossible to predict. It watches over Haruhi for it's own interests, to advance itself, whilst the other two factions are more like curious observers. For this reason, it cannot be trusted. This is no disrespect to Nagato: I would and have trusted her with my life. It's her superiors I have issues with.

Above them, we wander into more murkier waters-

"Um, Kyonko? Can I have my food back?"

-eh?

I looked up, and saw Taniguchi looking at me with a baffled expression. I looked down and discovered that at some point during my musings I'd nicked one of Kunikida's chopsticks and started stirring Taniguchi's noodles, my body trying to keep itself occupied whilst my mind wandered. Oops.

"Er... yeah, sure." I said, pushing the bento back to it's rightful owner. I offered the chopstick back to Kunikida, but she declined with a patient smile and a shake of her head. She'd finished her lunch using Taniguchi's while I was spaced-out.

I have no idea how _that_ happened...

"You're a weird one, aren't you?" Taniguchi said, an amused smile breaking out on her lips.

I just snorted derisively and looked elsewhere. Just like last time, Haruhiko disappeared at the start of every break period, lunch included. As memory serves, I think he was scouting out the school on the prowl for the usual Weirdness Trio - Aliens, Espers and Time Travellers. Wait, didn't s/he also specify Sliders at some point? I wonder where that guy is anyway...

Actually, now that I think about it, perhaps this unknown slider of ours should be on the threat-list. This is very much like an alternative reality. No, wait. That still doesn't explain the time travel. And besides, I shouldn't count this mystery person as an enemy: I know literally nothing about him/her. It be impossible to act against them. Better to act against the antagonists I can actually see, like the Canopy Domain. Our hidden Slider might not be an enemy, trying to hunt him down as such would be like chasing after the Yeti in the middle of the Bahamas.

Hey... now that I come to think of it, don't Itsuki's powers basically boil down to a form of dimension hopping? Closed Spaces count as alternative realities. But if _they_'re the sliders... who are the ESPers...?

Gah, this is getting confusing. Focus, Kyon, focus!

"Kyonko?"

"Hmm?"

"You're doing it again."

"...ah."

"This is the last time I use chopsticks..." Kunikida muttered.

* * *

After clearing up at lunch (and further apologising to Taniguchi. I know better than to stand between her and food) I headed off for the Literature Clubroom. The reveal about time travel actually calmed things down a little in the panicking mess of estrogen-addled neurons that currently made up my brain. The SOS Brigade did not exist because it hadn't been formed yet. It was not the Literature Clubroom because, being the start of the year, Nagato had not had time to move in, whilst what the previous clubmembers had left behind had been moved - probably into storage somewhere - by the cleaners who came to make the institution ready for learning after being allowed to collect dust for several months.

Thus, I headed there. It might not be the SOS Brigade room, and it might not be the Literature Club room, but it soon would be.

If I know Nagato - and I'd like to think I do by now - he'll be setting up his new clubroom right away. In the old timeline, the clubroom was more Nagato's home than her own empty apartment. Or maybe that's the fact that I only really saw her there rather than in her house talking. Who knows, we'll see.

I highly doubt he'll have managed to move in all the bookcases and half a library into there already, but the basics should be in place. Tables, chairs, that sort of thing. All the stuff you need for a good, sit down talk. Except maybe tea. And biscuits. And... and I'm distracted again.

I passed the Computer Club room on the way there, and made a mental note to make sure Haruhiko doesn't do something stupid with male-Mikuru this time around. Hell, might as well just get a laptop myself and get the club to use that. Haruhi herself never really used the thing - just ordered me to, most of the time. It's not like we anything high spec. And it's not like it's going to hurt my purse once I fix this mess, anyway.

Actually, what would be the point of that? Once I fix this mess, any changes made will be reverted (I hope), so what would be the point running around playing Mr Fix-It?

Ah, who cares. I'll figure it out as I go along. More important things to think about now.

I knocked on the door of the Literature Club, and pushed the door open with a creak.

An empty room waved a proverbial hello and wondered why I'd turned up again.

Damn it. Where's Naga-GAH!

Thunk.

Ah. Found Nagato.

He had been standing right behind me. With him was a cart with books, tables, chairs and all that whatnot, so I've no idea how I'd missed him in the corridor. Guess that answered the question of why the room was empty.

Hmm. I seem to have fallen backwards through the door in shock. My head hurts. Ow.

You know, Nagato, you could just stop standing there and give me a hand up here...

The overly tall bishonen statue-impersonator just kept on standing there, watching me with those eyes like observing a specimen in a tank. Which for all I know, he probably has. I got up carefully - if the fall had screwed up my endolymph levels I'd just end up falling over again - and dusted off. Thankfully, I hadn't taken the door with me. It swung freely, hinges intact.

I stepped aside so that Nagato could get past, but he didn't budge. The only thing that moved was his head, which tracked mine like a Sidewinder hunting after a flaming albatross. Which is quite possibly the weirdest metaphor I've ever come up with.

"You're here again." He said, another statement. Why do you keep talking in statements? You're ruining the system of adjacency pairs, no wonder no-one can hold long conversations with you!

"Yes, I am." I replied simply. I nodded at the cart. "Need a hand?"

"No."

"Eh, you're getting one anyway."

So said, I dragged the cart inside. Of course, I had roughly the speed of a dying ant without enough legs, and there was much grunting and sounds of unladylike displeasure, but what the hell. The disadvantages of my 'new' body were clear: smaller frame meant smaller muscles (whether this was due to reduced physical age or altered gender, I wasn't sure), and my body didn't have the added bonus of wandering up and down that damn hill for over a year, to say nothing of a school term's worth of PE and gym lessons. Nagato, bless him, continued to stand there and continued to track. Why am I helping him again?

To make a good impression. To try and earn his trust and support, because he's never met you before in his life and has no idea what to think of with you. Because you want your friend back.

Damn it.

Still, he's too smart (or too emotionally inhibited) to be impressed by small acts of kindness such as this. The only way I can gain his trust is to explain everything. Set it all out clearly and show that I Am Not A Threat. Which is what this little talk is all about. I'll cheerfully admit that the main reason I just dragged that thing inside is so that I could get to the table and chairs.

I dragged the cart through the door and shoved it into a corner. The thing has tables and chairs, sure, but it's absolutely covered in books, crammed into every possible space; how they didn't all fall out with my energetic attempts at propulsion is something I don't want to think about. This being Nagato's private book-haven, they're almost all hardback and twice their weight in bricks. How Nagato was able to, well, cart them around school so easily (in a process that would, at some point, inevitably have involved _stairs_) is another thing I don't really want to think about.

I pulled off two chairs and the table with as best I could given that my arms now felt like loose elastic, set them up and immediately flopped into one. Then I winced. Metal chairs are not meant to be 'flopped' into. Ow. It should be noted that at no point in this did Nagato move.

I patted the table. "Here, take a seat."

Nagato promptly walked over and sat exactly where I'd patted on the table rather than in the other chair. The urge to facepalm was resisted, but only at great cost to my inner snarky bastard (may he mock in peace). I scooted back a bit to give him some leg room.

"So..." I said, wondering where to begin. "I imagine you have some questions for me?"

Nagato blinked and adjusted his glasses, making reflections dance on the lenses for a fraction of a second. "You know." he stated simply.

Again with the statements...

Yes. Yes, I do 'know', Nagato. Care to elude?

"You know of Haruhiko Suzumiya, you know of the Integrated Data Thought Entity. You know of the Humanoid Interfaces and their purpose." _You know of me,_ I got the impression he also wanted say.

I smiled. "Yes I do. You might want to take the chair, this is going to take a while..."

* * *

It did. As it turns out, eating with Taniguchi, hauling stuff around and setting up the environs for our 'little' chat had taken up most of lunchtime. I only got up to the part where Haruhi made her introduction before the bell went.

Nagato looked interested, as far as I could tell. The male bishonen glasses look makes him look more like a calculating intellectual than a robotic bookworm, so his emotions, such as they are, are somewhat difficult to gauge. I don't doubt that he'll be interested in our next meeting however. Everyone's interested in knowing the future.

I haven't run into Mikuru yet - between Taniguchi, Asakura and Nagato I haven't really had the time (and yes, I _am_ aware of the inherent puns there and, _no_, I am _not_ going to use them. Shut up). Following lunch came lessons, and like last time they mostly involved the subject teachers introducing themselves and their subjects, what they'd be covering, how epically you'd fail if you didn't work hard, blah blah blah - Haruhiko wasn't the only one bored stupid with the proceedings. End of Day rolled along; goodbyes were said, hills descended and homes arrived at.

I opened my door and was immediately tackled by a brown haired boy I didn't recognise. Instinct reacted first, and said boy went flying down the path (body tackles are easily dodged: you just step out of the way). Then logic finally raised a hand and noted that said boy was probably the male version of my sister.

Suffice to say, there was word...

He rolled to a stop by rolling into the gate. Much preteen whining, crying and exclamatory requests for maternal figures ensued. Neighbours were attracted and whisperings spread. I stalked over, fully intending to scold him for trying jump people coming in the door.

The boy looked up at me with betrayed eyes. I faltered.

Apologising as best I could, I helped him back inside, apologised some more and made my escape by searching for plasters before my parents arrived at the scene. Once I was in the bathroom, I locked it behind me and leaned over the sink, hands resting on the sides. I looked in the mirror; a girl looked back.

Damn it, damn it, damn it! I should have seen this coming!

I resisted the urge to smash my head on the mirror repeatedly, settling for just letting my head lean on it with a depressing thunk.

The genderflip is GLOBAL. That doesn't just mean my school, my friends or my teachers, that means my FAMILY.

God DAMN it!

Whoever is responsible for this, you are in for a world of hurt. I don't know how I'm going to manage that against a reality-rewriter, but I promise you, _I will find a way_.

When I go downstairs, I am going to meet my family. They are going to look like complete strangers and be not how I know them, but they're going to be close enough for the differences to _hurt_. And what's worse, they won't even know there's anything wrong. And I'm going to have to pretend there's nothing wrong either because if I don't, then _they_'ll be hurt too.

Whoever did this...

Gender flip and time travel. In one stroke, they've destroyed my hard-earned friendships and alienated my own family. Whoever did this couldn't have made a better first strike if they'd tried.

Right. I can't avoid this, and I certainly can't go out on the streets or seek sanctuary with the rest of the SOS Brigade... there's no way around this, I'll just have to grit my teeth and bear it.

I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out my mother's first aid kit. I wondered which parent it would belong to now.

* * *

When I came back downstairs I found my parents in the living room. A middle-aged office worker with a slight beard bordering on stubble and a sharp but kind face with glasses was kneeling next to a crying brown-haired boy with the usual bane of preteen children; a scraped knee. A worrysome woman - also in a suit (white) with curly, shoulder-length pale brown hair - stood behind the man, wringing her hands nervously. The whole thing was arranged beneath one of the lampstands, bathing the scene with a soft, warm, comforting orange glow.

When I looked at them, I didn't think 'mother', 'father' or 'brother'. They were just strangers to me; not family, not friends, just people I didn't know. My brain simply didn't have the mental connections that linked their faces to mine.

"Ah, Kyonko!" the said, looking up from his child's injury and giving me a wan smile. "You're back." The boy stopped weeping and looked up fearfully. The woman looked up at me expectantly, with a tone that said 'help me! You're better at this than I am, do something!'

I stumbled on the doorway. I didn't want to intrude on the scene.

"I-I..." I stumbled on my words too. "I-I-broughtthefirstaidkit!" I stammered out quickly, brandishing the small white packet and nearly hitting myself in the face with it, even as I did my best to smile.

The man's smile grew and he beckoned me over. The boy looked like I'd just made Christmas come early and lit up appropriately. The woman looked relieved and gave me a warm smile. If apologies were needed, I think that was it.

I wobbled, feet caught between running away and moving forwards. I managed to make them settle on the latter and walked over the child. Kneeling down to a crouch, I set the medikit down next to him. He watched as I unzipped it, flipped the lid, took out an antiseptic wipe and cleaned the wound, added some antiseptic cream and covered the whole thing with a small plaster that still dwarfed his kneecap. All the while, I remembered to keep smiling.

"There." I said simply. The boy smiled. I smiled back and tentatively ruffled his hair. I turned to pack up, but found the woman already working on it, packing away the items neatly and efficiently before rising to her feet and taking them back upstairs. She brushed a hand over my shoulder as she passed and gave me a genuine smile.

Crap, there goes my exit.

The man gave me a relieved and just cuttingly _honest_ smile, and with a little nudge, the boy rolled upright, beaming and skipping out the room like a slinky on an electromagnet. The man also straightened up. I did the same, brushing out my skirt nervously. The man gazed down lovingly through his glasses at me. I wilted beneath it.

A hand fell on my shoulder. I looked back up. He was still smiling proudly.

"Kyonko..." he began, "...thank you."

I had no way of responding even if I knew what he was talking about, so I stayed quiet and let him continue.

"When we woke up this morning... you were gone... we were so worried... nearly phoned the police before we realised all your school things were gone as well."

His smile switched back to nervous. Is he feeling... guilty?

"Y-You're not still... mad at as us... are you?"

Oh crap.

"I-I know you'd rather have gone to Kouyouen School rather than North High, when we found you'd left early, we... er..."

Kouyouen School. That's the all-girls' school at the bottom of the hill. Of course.

Not, wait! That's not obvious at all!

"...I-I'm glad you're back." He finished. At some point, he'd put a hand on my other shoulder, and he used these now to pull me into a crushing Dad-Hug.

I can honestly and categorically say I was speechless, and unfortunately it wasn't the display of fatherly love that was doing it.

Yesterday, the day before that, who knows, this man and his daughter had an argument. It was a petty one, as family arguments often are, and probably ended sourly. The father panics when, next morning, his daughter is gone, but he calms down when he discovers she merely left for school early. He still keeps wringing his hands over it though because he knows his daughter wouldn't run away from home over something so trivial as a school. He worries, wondering over what was said, what words were used, what offences were caused that he hadn't spotted and had wounded his little girl's heart into making her just want to get away from them all.

Worry escalates to panic when the first thing the daughter does on returning home is send her innocent brother rolling down the path like stray tumbleweed. He is convinced: his daughter hates him.

However, rejoice! All is not lost, misunderstandings were made but the girl realised her error and came to, all on her own. She patched up the wounds, shelved the pride and acted like the beautiful young woman he always knew she would grow into. The family settled their differences, normality was restored, forgiveness dispensed. His dainty daughter is all grown up. Group hug and fade to credits.

Except, of course, that I am not his dainty daughter. I am someone else, and the father doesn't know.

...What do I do?

The man released me back into the hands-on-shoulders pose, looking down at me with such raw pride that the only thing I could was stand there staring blankly back, like a babe lost in a wood. He said something; I missed it.

He smiled once more, and left for the kitchen.

I don't know how long I stood there, but I know it was calls for tea that snapped me out of it.

Tea passed quickly. The woman, the boy (on a higher stool) and me sat around the table adorned with plates and western-style knives and forks beneath a flowery tablecloth. The man came in, grinning, bearing dishes with rising steam beneath browned oven mitts and an apron.

I recognised the dish from the smell instantly. It's a personal favourite of mine. Wasn't so appetising now.

Conversation flowed naturally. With my... whatever I did in the living room, it seemed the dam had burst. The smiles weren't strained, they were honest, true and never seemed to leave. The boy was the happiest of them all, and seemed to be amusing himself by seeing how wide he could open his mouth before he put the fork in. The woman regaled them with amusing tales of her office photocopier, whilst her husband laughed boisterously and asked if anyone wanted sauce. I didn't join in the conversation, but the group saw by discomfort and accepted it, waiting for me to join in at my own pace.

I was able to make a good show of eating though. Do it fast enough, and I might be able to leave early. Lack of sleep, homework, lots of reasons came to mind. They'd see it as an excuse, but not the right one.

"So how was school?" the father asked, spinning his fork into the spaghetti to anchor it better.

I swallowed and quickly constructed an answer: "Good. It's not a bad place. I've made two new friends already."

The man beamed innocently. "They're female, I take it?"

That earned him a raised eyebrow. "Yes. Taniguchi and Kunikida."

The woman paused in eating to drag something out of her memory. "Kunikida... that's that girl you knew from junior high, isn't she?"

I nodded. "Yes."

The mother nodded again, suspicion confirmed, and went back to ravaging her meal in the most lady-like way possible.

The father was grinning openly. "Met any other old friends there?"

Yes. "No." Nagato.

His face dropped comically. "Darn. What about that... oh, what's his name... Suzaku!" he snapped his fingers, "Suzaku! That's the one!"

I stared at him blankly. He just guffawed. "Come on, Suzaku! That old friend of yours! Weird guy, went to the same cram school, kept referring to himself with atashi instead of boku. Keeps making random musings, you know the one!"

I blinked. Oh. OH. Her! I mean him! Him!

The man's mouth quirked. "Don't let his choice of pronouns fool you, that Suzaku was a guy. Quite a smart one too."

I'd completely forgotten about Sasaki. Ah well, can you blame me? And where'd 'Suzaku' come from? Has he been watching anime or something?

"Was he there?"

I shook my head. "No. No, he went somewhere else."

"Ah." He looked mildly disappointed and returned to his noodles. I raised an eyebrow again. What was he playing at? The father was never the sort to try and match-make his daughter... unless, of course, Sasaki/Suzaku just made that good an impression. Though I don't recall anything like this coming up last time. Unless it did and just went right over my head, of course...

The meal when back to being a three-person show and ended that way. I cleaned up my plate, putting the knife and fork together at the side, and gave a polite bow before retreating to my room, citing homework and sleep. Once back in my safe haven of solitude, I let myself slump down against the door, back dropping to my side.

Sigh.

Well that was an interesting day.

Time to prepare for tomorrow.

A/N: Wow. This took a lot less time to write than I thought it would. A LOT less time. My muse must be schizophrenic

I have to confess, most of this fic is just made up on the spot. I know the main plot points (like why the Genderflip/Timetravel thing happened) but things like the scenes with Taniguchi and Kyon's family just grew out of nowhere. I guess it helps that, personality-wise I'm similar to Kyon. It's makes it easier to visualise what would happen, what his reactions would etc. Plus, it's where all the snark comes from :P

On the boku/atashi thing: they're Japanese pronouns. Japanese Pronouns are gender specific, there are a number of them for various situations. In the novels, Sasaki used 'boku' (which is normally used by young males) instead of 'atashi' (the female equivalent). I just flipped that around.

I also have no idea what the male form of Sasaki is. I tried looking it up, got nowhere, and just went with the closest name I could think of... Suzaku from Code Geass. If anyone knows what the correct form is, please tell me. Don't worry, I can put the 'Suzaku' thing down to Kyon's 'father' being bad with names.

Now if you'll please excuse me, I wrote half of this (from the scene with Nagato in the clubroom to end) in one sitting. It's half past one in the morning and I need to get to bed before I fall asleep on my keybfgvbhbtfff...


	4. Fun and Games

Sorry this was a bit late, and also a bit shorter than I had expected, but I've been distracted by other projects, from making models for HL2 mods and learning to code, another fanfic in the works (Parallel Running: the continuation / expansion of Behind The Line, whose first Chapter is now just waiting on my beta-reader) and of course exams. So sorry for neglecting this story.

In any case, here's the mythical Chapter 4! The rewrite has now officially surpassed the original in, well, everything. Not a lot happens in this chapter besides the introduction of the fourth member of the SOS Brigade, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Have fun!

-MrCJ

* * *

**Flipswitch (Mark Two) by MrCJ (aka Guessmyname)**  
_Insert annoying copyright falderol here (now with extra brackets!)_

**Chapter 4: Fun, Games and Rock'n'Roll**

* * *

Morning procedures went thusly: Get up, groan. Look in mirror, groan. Brush teeth, gurgle, look in mirror, groan. Dodge hyperactive little brother (groan), get dressed (skirts... groan), nab breakfast (toast, yay!) and head off to school up that damn hill, groan.

Because it's freezing in the morning with these damn skirts, I also tossed on a brown cardigan I found in my wardrobe. I'm not entirely sure if it's part of the school uniform or not (I've never seen anyone else wearing one) but just let them try and stop me. I also tied back my hair in a rudimentary ponytail, just to keep it out of the way (and no, not for other reasons. There's not much excitement to be had out of a ponytail you can't actually see, and I dislike looking in mirrors anyway for obvious reasons).

Got to class, flopped in seat, groan. And ow; metal chairs.

Haruhiko didn't respond or so much as notice my presence. Such a nice change from late...

Time to investigate things a little.

"Hey" I said with a neutral wave as I turned around in my chair for a better look at the literal source of all the world's problems.

He didn't respond, just swivelled his eyes around to bore into mine. Haha, nice try Haruhi. If you're going for death-glares, you have to do better than Nagato's before you ruffle me. I hoisted my proverbial fishing rod.

"How much of that intro stuff was real?" I asked with an innocent smile. Lines were baited...

"What 'intro stuff'?"

"That stuff about time-travel and that" Lines were thrown...

"Are you a time traveller?"

Death glare accelerated to Mark Two. I just started grinning. Lines were taunt...

"Of a sort."

...and reeled in.

Haruhiko blinked. Before I let him explode in excitement (come on, you know he would), I carried on in a conspirational whisper. "You see, I'm actually from the future! There are aliens and secret organisations and the world keeps getting destroyed by florescent blue giants under the unknowing control of an idiotic teenager with hormonal problems! But fear not, as side by side, you and I can work together to create a better future for all of us!"

Haruhiko stared, eyes widening by the second. I grasped his hands and leaned closer.

"It may be dangerous, but do not fear! Believe in me, who believes in you: there is no fate but what we make!"

Common sense (and pop culture) finally introduced itself to Haruhi's brain and he pulled his hands away from mine before rocketing forwards in his seat close enough to bash heads. The death-glare was set to Level 6, but whatever it was he was going to say died a pitiful death at the sight of my grin as he realised he'd just walked right into it. That made him glare harder, which made me grin wider, which made him glare harder and so on in an escalating Cold War scenario until fem-Okabe finally walked in and brought the class to order.

We returned to our normal seats, Haruhiko's glare backed down to Stage One, my cocky grin down to a knowing smile. Ah... pay-back is sweet. It's so much easier to come up with witty comebacks when you already know what the other is going to say. Some of the people from East Junior High were looking at me with either awe or as if to say 'Are you insane?! Back out now! Now! You know not what you mock!'. One of the latter was Taniguchi, and appropriately, lunchtime was very interesting.

"Are you _insane?!_" Tanguichi hissed desperately before she'd even sat down. "Don't you know who that _was!? _Do any idea who you were _mocking?!?_"

"No." I replied innocently, poking at my rice with a spork. "I have no idea who you're talking about."

Taniguchi scowled. The results were surprisingly alluring; she should do it more often. She leaned forwards to scrutinise me more carefully. Since this interrupted the path of food-to-mouth, I set the spork down and looked up patiently.

"You know who he is, don't you." She said, in flat out accusation. Kunikida, sitting next to me and neatly eating her noodles using a plastic spork of her own now, watched the exchange with polite interest.

"I've heard the rumours." I replied evenly. It was a fair excuse, and Taniguchi accepted it without a second thought.

After all. it's not like the _real_ reason would instantly come to mind anyway.

"Honestly, he's a bit full of himself, isn't he?" I continued idly, using my spork to ruffle my bento and indirectly ruffle Taniguchi, who had apparently switched from accusing to pleading when I wasn't looking. She slid into a seat opposite me and drew my hands away from my bento (I dropped the spork accordingly) to grasp them like a man on a lifeline. Overdramatism seems to be fem-Taniguchi's speciality.

"Kyonko, _please!_" She begged desperately, "You don't know what you're getting into!"

I just retorted with a predatory grin. Taniguchi wilted. Kunikida raised an eyebrow.

I exactly what I'm getting into my dear. And fun will be had, I have no doubt of that. Revenge _is_ sweet after all.

Let the games begin!

* * *

Lunchtime storytime with Nagato was less entertaining. It went like this: I'd do the exposition thing for a bit, Nagato would listen attentively, and I'd make a wise-crack at the end to round bits off. Unfortunately, the most Nagato would respond to that was with confusion, so I gave up doing that and went back to dull monotone, relaying events with the bare minimum of emotional input. Come the bell, I'd just got up to the part with Asakura and the knife and had somehow made it sound more boring that 19th century British politcs. Nagato had been particularly interested by then. When I got up to go back to lessons, he almost looked... disappointed. It's hard to tell, of course.

I think he must have stayed after school on the first day to set everything up. The other tables were in place, along with the bookshelves and all their merry cargo. It still wasn't the SOS clubroom, but it was getting there.

"See you tomorrow" I said, picking up my bags. Nagato nodded, his glasses glinting in the process as he got to his feet and neatly inserted the book he'd been reading before I arrived into his bag. I held the door open, he followed and we walked alongside each other on the trek back to our respective classrooms.

I got the impression Nagato wanted to keep talking (or rather, wanted _me_ to keep talking) about my 'past' life, but as we were in the corridor, and more to point so were a lot of other people, I kept my mouth shut. He veered off into his classroom and I continued on into mine. Haruhiko pointedly ignored me as I took my seat and Taniguchi gave another warning look. I replied to both with smiles met by scowls.

The rest of day, unfortunately, proved sadly dull. Our last-lesson English teacher droned, most of the class groaned and by the time the bell went Asakura had to go around waking people up by shaking their shoulder until he got a response. I made a mental note to avoid falling asleep in class because of that. The trek home was cold as usual, making me glad I had a cardigan (it also makes me feel less like I'm wearing a girl's uniform - bonus!), and my... I guess my 'brother' tried to jump me again when I came in through the door. Again with the dodging, but at least I was able to catch him this time.

Predictably, he just giggled whilst I held him dangling out at arms length like a soiled nappy. I dropped him before my arms gave out (he landed on his feet. He hasn't even met Shamisen yet, and he's _already_ inherited some traits...) and I switched my shoes at the door before unceremoniously dumping my bag to one side.

"Daddy's out shopping. Mum's not back yet." he said, following me in with 'Cute Shotaro' written all over him.

I nodded; situation normal then. My parents tended to dump me with the baby-sitting role when I got back so that they could get the para-habitational stuff done. Funny really, I don't recall ever getting paid for it. Wonders of 'family' I suppose. Shame I spent half my time too busy saving the world myself, isn't it?

"Can you help me with my homework?" the kid asked cutely.

"No." I replied (uncutely)

The boy recoiled as though physically punched. Puppy dog eyes, aim and... fire!

"Still no." I replied again.

Puppy dogs segued into watery crying pits of pitiable doom. "Why?" he sobbed. Bloody overactors.

Because, my oh-so-young crybaby not-sister, I did that stuff five years ago now. I can't remember any of it.

"But you always help!" he sobbed, waving his arms up and down.

...I do?

"Yes! It's the only way I can understand! Youhavetohelpmepleasepleasepleaseplease?"

...I have a sneaking suspicion I'm missing something here.

The boy blubbered some more. I knelled down before him, hands on his shoulders. "Imō- er, Aniki, don't you think it's about time you started working by yourself now?"

"No!"

Okay, fine. Let's try a different track.

"But I'm your sister, you don't want to be seen as relying on a girl now, do you?"

He sniffled and wipes his eyes. "That's okay." He said with typical childlike bluntness, "You don't act like a girl anyway."

...

I will not do a facepalm, I will not do a facepalm, I Will Not Do. A. Facepalm. Must resist urge to snark and give the game away... must _resist..._

"Kyonko?" he asked, innocence, concern and blind ignorance gleaming in his eyes.

Resistance is futile.

"Do I really act not-like-a-girl, or this is merely a consequence of my inner being being progressively mangled by time-travel and indiscreet reality modifications?" I asked, gripping his shoulders tighter and pulling him close so he could see the whites of my eyes, "Pray tell me, I really just don't know!"

"W-Wh-Wha-"

"No buts dear brother! Onee-sama's having an existential crisis here! Is my lack of conformity to gender stereotypes a reflection of my own broken psyche caused by my entire sense of reality and understanding of existence itself being systematically broken and reshaped again and again under the insane whims of a crazy tsundere sociopath with a penchant for silly hairdos and bunny outfits? Honestly, I'm at my wits end here; you have to help me Aniki!"

The boy started crying proper and ran away to hide in his room. Is my life really so messed up it sends little children running off scarred for life? I wonder if he's actually going to do that homework now. Insane lovecraftian sisters should be good enough impetuous to work hard, right?

I shook my head and went to make a drink. I was half-way through the procedure when the front door opened again and the man of the house walked in with a beaming 'look at me, I'm a daddy!' grin. I wonder if they have that on a t-shirt somewhere? Probably.

"I've been shoo~oop-iiiing!" He announced unnecessarily.

"Oh good," I replied dryly, "because I was really sure for a moment there that those bags actually contained mutilated body parts and assorted raw dismemberments."

He just gave me a weird-amused look and followed me into the kitchen to ditch the bags. I got a whiff of curry and rice before he darted off again to get the next batch. I was still standing there when he came in bearing the second.

"You're just going to stand there and let your old man drag in all the shopping?" he asked with a grin, already beginning to sweat.

"And you're just going to stand there and expect your dainty daughter to do all the hard work for you?" I deadpanned back, sipping at my steaming cup.

At which point, he noticed what I was drinking.

There was a flash of motion, and suddenly, there he was, right in my personal space, gripping my hands and staring at the cup in abject horror.

He was joking around and being melodramatic, I get that, but still. A person you don't really know / recognise suddenly invading your personal space? Kinda scary. I managed to quash the 'fight or flight' reflex before it reach the 'kick groin' stage, thankfully, and simply wilted as he'd probably been expecting.

"My dear daughter, what on earth are you drinking?"

"Um... coffee?"

"COFFEE?"

"Yes. Coffee. The liquid god of night-shift workers everywhere?"

He prised my cup / handwarmer from my grasp to peer at like a biologist leaning in to inspect a particularly disgusting strain of bacteria.

"It's black... not even any milk! Or sweetner!"

"So?"

He looked up at me, eyes glittering with concern through the steamy haze of evaporating water "How many spoonfulls?"

"Huh?"

"HOW MANY SPOONFULLS?!"

"T-Two?"

"TWO?"

"Yes, th-the numberthatcomesafterone?"

He looked back to the (calmly rippling) liquid like he was staring at one of Cthulu's boggly eyes. "Ground or instant?"

"...instant?" I replied tentatively

"AAIEEE!!" His arm flared and went to his forehead, his entire back creaking backwards in a mock-faint with all the melodrama of a Shakespeare comedy where all the actors are on speed. "Oh no! Oh woe is me! My darling dainty daughter is drinking such a vile concoction as to destroy the demigods! How can this be?"

"Er..."

He raised the mug like Hamlet inspecting a skull. "It's hardly deserving of the name 'coffee'! Verily, it is but a mere façade of caffeine enwrapped in flecks of _dirt_ before being packaged into some mass-produced corporate monstrosity were it can be shipped off to Starbucks and pretend it be a drink of royals at a highly extortionate price! 'Tis a soulless abomination of a drink unfit for my daughter's lips! This... _this_, as a father, I CANNOT FORGIVE!"

Rage Against the Heavens flicked over to Innocent Smile in the space of a nanosecond. "So, going to help me with the shopping, Kyonko-chan?"

I slumped, defeated. "Yes, Father..."

Your own medicine is a bitter thing...

* * *

The next day, on a whim, I decided to follow Haruhiko on his rounds of the school looking for weirdness. I've always wondered what he did during these times; was it like those Saturday rounds we had to undergo (and I pay for) in the SOS club? Or would simply involve him going around and bothering people, like I secretly suspected? Lets find out, shall we?

To my complete lack of surprise, my tagging along did not please him one bit. Taniguchi watched me despairingly as I got up to follow him out the room. He noticed he had a follower half-way down the corridor, and immediately whisked around, sending flecks of brown-black hair flying everywhere like a scene out of a shoujo manga.

An effect utterly ruined when he noticed who it was.

"YOU?!" He roared, giving me the pointy finger with all the maturity of a seven year old.

"Yes," I smiled back, "Me."

Haruhiko's mouth opened and closed a few times like stupefied fish before he whisked around all over again and stalked off in a huff. D'aww. Boys are even more predictable when you're supposed to be one.

I jogged to catch up and fell into place alongside him. He was ignoring me pointedly, and that fact was pointedly ignored by me. Haruhiko growled.

"So, where are we going today, Haru-chan?"

Haruhiko performed a full-scale body twitch at that one. Don't worry, I heartily detest that suffix myself.

"_I_ am going around the clubs." he hissed back.

"Wow! That sounds like such fun!" I exclaimed, immediately latching onto his arm like a mad limpet with viagra.

Haruhiko jerked away like he'd been burned. "Gah! Get away from me!"

My brother's not the only one who can pull off the puppy dog eye trick. "Wha-but...Y-you mean you don't like me?"

"NO!" He snarled

"I-I do believe I'm going to c-cry..."

"H-hey, What?"

"Y-you don't want me! Wha-umph!"

Hand over mouth. Screaming woman abilities impaired.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Haruhiko hissed.

I just gave him a knowing look. Haruhiko released my mouth.

"You're just teasing me aren't you?" he accused darkly

"Naturally" I replied with a wry grin, getting a scowl in return.

"Don't follow me." He stated bluntly, before stalking off again.

"Why?" I asked, completely ignoring his request with all the flair I'd picked up from the exact same person in question over the years (Irony is my god) and walking alongside him once again. Haruhiko's eyes narrowed perceptibly, like he desperately wanted to either hit me or just run away and hope I wouldn't catch up (which I probably wouldn't. Here's hoping he doesn't notice).

"You're not going to do anything _naughty _are you?" I snarked, wondering how far I could push him before _he_ exploded for a change.

By this point, we'd entered the arts building, which also happened to be the point of no return for Haruhiko's patience.

"Look, what do you want from me?!" He shouted, whirling around like a spinning top to face me mid-stride.

...that's a good question actually...

"...you have no idea, do you?"

I shook my head. Why _am_ I following him again?

Haruhiko just sighed and resisted the urge to smack his head against the wall. "Look, just... if you promise _not_ to be loud and annoying, you can follow me, okay?"

...did I just force Haruhiko down to a compromise? _Awesome!_ I nodded enthusiastically.

Haruhiko gave me one last withering look and stalked off. I tailed after him normally, ditching hyper-happy persona of three seconds ago. Haruhiko noticed this with a growl, but didn't actually say anything. Side by side (more or less), we wandered the school like a patrol circuit.

"So... what are we looking for exactly?" I asked over his shoulder.

"If you don't know, don't come." He barked back darkly.

"Good god, what's wrong with you this morning? Cat steal your caffeine?"

"Cat steal...? Never mind..." We walked on for a few seconds before he blinked suddenly and at stared at me with genuine suspicion. "Hey, wait, how do _you_ know what I'm normally like in the morning?"

I faltered, but caught myself before he could notice. "Er... well, it's quite simple really. You see, as a time-traveller-"

"Oh, would you just _shut up_ about that!"

"Er... am I interrupting something?"

The two of us looked up to see a man with dark green hair and an amused grin. Behind him, using the taller student as cover, a boy with pale-brown hair cowered as though we were about to bite him or something.

"Well in any case, could please move?" The taller boy asked. "You're blocking the door."

I looked over my shoulder at the room behind us. A sign read: "Calligraphy Club."

Wait a second...

"Who are you?" Haruhiko asked with his usual brusqueness, his rising interest indicated by the rising corners of his lips.

"Ah, me?" Green-Hair said with a grin, extending a hand for Haruhiko to shake, "Jus' call me Tsuruya! The guy tugging on my shirt is Mitsuru, yo!"

Mitsuru quivered. I stared at the two of them, mostly 'Mitsuru', but also at the new Tsuruya-san as well. Mitsuru quivered some more.

Tsuruya noticed my gaze and laughed, stepping aside and pushing my old sempai out to the fore. Under the predatory stares of two and the incredulous stare of a third, he practically melted into a puddle right before our eyes.

Short brown hair in the classic bowl-cut style, with bangs dangling around in front of wide, staring, almost _pleading_ eyes, all wrapped up in a bundle of vaguely masculine moe about as short as I am in girl-mode. Tsuruya, meanwhile, was pretty much exactly like the original, just a bit taller, surprisingly buff and with shorter hair, as per the male dress code. Same scarily large smile, you'll be pleased to note. He planted a hand on his shorter friend's head, presumably to stop him running away like a frightened rabbit, and displayed that massive grin of his in full force.

"Pleased to meet ya!" Haruhiko took his hand and pumped it energetically, breaking into the starts of a smile himself. Probably something to with kindred spirits, I suppose. Their victim, trapped between the two, turned his pleading gaze to meet mine, which still hadn't quite recovered from the shock of seeing my age-old crush so... different.

Hey, stop looking at me like that Mitsuru! I can't help you! Hell, you're not even in any danger! Well, not yet anyway...

"Haruhiko Suzumiya." Haruhiko returned, grinning fully now. You could practically see the sparks of volatile enthusiasm bouncing between them. I began to see why Mitsuru was wilting; practically everything within a 5 mile radius was probably getting a sudden spike of inexplicable fear at this moment. Like two undeniable forces of nature in the universe that should never have been joined together just did.

"So, I take in you're both in the calligraphy club then? What's that like? Interesting?"

Tsuruya nodded. "It has it's moments."

Mitsuru blushed for some reason. I raised an eyebrow at him inquisitively, but that just made him retreat further, unable to escape because Tsuruya's hand was still screwing him to the floor. Pity began to seep through the cracks in my surprise as the sempai began to sway. Seriously Tsuruya, let him go; he wants to bolt already and I need a word with him in the first place.

Speaking of the two overly energetic nutcases, they were now having a conversation about calligraphy that made it sound like Gurren incarnate. And Haruhiko says life is boring...

When Tsuruya lifted his hand off for a moment to emphasise the swish of a brush using full length arm movements, Mitsuru took his chance and bolted. I took mine and chased after him. I have no idea what the other two did, or if they even noticed we'd just disappeared in a whiff of school uniform and displaced air, but they certainly didn't give chase after us. I ran after Mitsuru until he ran out of breath just outside the Computer Club room (irony?) and collapsed against the wall. Good lord, even I'm not that short on stamina...

Mitsuru slid down into a sort of wonky seiza position, legs splayed with the only thing stopping him from collapsing entirely being the two arms pushing against the floor like rods. His head was hung low, bangs hiding his face entirely as he panted for breath. I walked over tentatively.

"Uh... you okay?"

"Eeeh?"

He looked up at me blankly, tears welling in the corner of his eyes and, just like when I got a real good look at my new 'brother'... part of my heart broke. For a second, I saw the old Mikuru, with her maid costume and ever lifting smile and rocked back, recoiling away from the young boy before me. Mitsuru watched me in confusion, head tilted to one side, his earlier trauma forgotten in lieu of the fresh confusion at the crazy woman in front of him. His orangey-brown bangs dangled in front of a boyish face, still round and young and soft. So similar to the sempai I, well, had a crush on, and at the same time so... not.

I have absolutely no idea how long I stood there frozen, staring at the not-Mikuru before me in a mixture of shock, horror and loss, but it was long enough for the terminally shy _Mitsuru_ to have to break the silence.

"...A-ano..." He began innocently, his voice girly and feminine... for a boy.

I swallowed and breathed out slowly. Should've expected this. Really, _really_ should have expected this! My hands balled into fists at my sides and I believe I rocked on my feet slightly.

"You okay?"

"Eh?"

"You okay?" I repeated, eyes averted.

"Eeh... yes..."

"Want to get up off the floor?" I asked, offering my hand.

"E...eh-hehe. Yes."

Mitsuru breathed a sigh of relief and took my hand. Just like the girl I once knew, he was surprisingly light and dainty.

"Asahina Mitsuru." He said, shaking my hand with an embarrassed smile.

"Kyonko." I replied, still not looking him in the face. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure!"

"Are you still a time-traveller?" I asked, pushing him into the SOS clubroom.

I want to get this over with. Now.

* * *

After his initial panic, not helped by the sight of Nagato sitting stoically in the corner as per usual, Mitsuru finally calmed down enough to listen to what I was actually saying.

Obviously, I didn't want him to punt me back to the future. For one thing, that wouldn't fix the gender-flip, and for another, from my experience of time-travel, there would be no 'me' here left to continue the timeline, which would mess things up owing to my apparent 'disappearance'. Plus I'm pretty sure that simply by existing with the knowledge of what happens next lodged in my head, I've screwed things up on the assumption that everything would return to normal (which – again, according to experience – it should) basically means that doing the Mitsuru Time Warp would just mess things up even worse, possibly even giving the game away to Haruhiko, which is the last thing _anyone_ wants.

Naturally, I got about that far before the bell went and threw a spanner in the master plan. It took us (well, me) _that_ long to calm Mitsuru down, the panicky bastard.

Equally naturally, Haruhiko completely ignored me when I returned to the classroom. If anything, he looked even happier than before, so I can only assume that he and Tsuruya got along to together just as well as last time. Well, it's either that or he's realised that aliens, ESPers and time-travellers exist, but because I'd like to be optimist one day and Haruhiko discovering the truth of his little world would screw everything over so far sideways it would render everything I've been doing completely moot, I'm going to pretend that's not the case. Just for the sake of my sanity, you understand.

"Kyonko, you _have_ _no_ sanity." Taniguchi stated bluntly at the start of lunch.

I rolled my eyes. "Is this about-"

"Yes this is about Haruhiko!"

"...actually I was going to say 'is this about the food that no longer resides in your schoolbag?', but okay, lets run with that." I replied calmly, repacking my satchel.

"You – hey wait, YOU STOLE MY LUNCH?!"

I smiled back pleasantly.

Taniguchi shot upright, gave me a glare of horror and fear and then launched a major assault to break through the encirclement of schoolkids between her and her schoolbag treasure-chest of edible delights.

I, meanwhile, was out the door before the athletic girl could realise she'd just been had.

I paused outside the SOS clubroom, panting for breath after having had to run the entire way here (Taniguchi is fast, can't afford to take it slow or she might catch up) before opening the door.

Nagato sat reading, the perfect picture of library-esque peacefulness and diligent calm that even Johannes Gutenburg would be proud of, completely ignoring Mitsuru's increasingly agitated attempts at getting his attention. He looked up as I entered, nodded and closed his book. Mitsuru sagged to the floor at how easily I could drag his attention away from his book-based high.

I carefully not-flopped into the nearest seat, adopting my 'storytelling hunch' (leaning forwards with head on crossed hands and elbows on knees) and began spinning my tale from where I left off.

I got about a minute in before Mitsuru suddenly grew eyes wide as saucers and had the moe equivalent of a panic attack.

"...what?"

"Y-Y-You're..." Mitsuru gibbered, "You're from the FUTURE?!"

"Er, yes." I replied, confused. "I did mention that earlier..."

"You're _REALLY_ from the future?!?"

"..._yes_..."

"A-A-And you're REVEALING it!?" Mitsuru practically squealed "T-To _HIM?!!_" He jabbed a finger at Nagato, eliciting a raised eyebrow in response.

"...it's not technically the future..." I replied, suddenly realising a slight flaw in my plan...

Mitsuru rocketed upright and grabbed me by the shoulders, a look of wrought panic on his face. "B-But you can't! You CAN'T reveal the future you just... CAN'T!"

I scowled. "It's _not_ the future! Not _yours_ anyway."

"B-But that doesn't matter! If they're as similar as you say they are, then revealing the future t-t-to," Mitsuru looked at Nagato (now brewing a death-glare of his own) and lost his nerve for a moment, "...anyone... could be..." he swallowed, "Dangerous!"

My scowl deepened. First he just looked different to my old sempai, then he insults Nagato and... eurgh.

For the record, I sincerely apologise for what happens next.

"Dangerous? DANGEROUS!?" I shouted, for real this time, pushing up to my feet and knocking Mitsuru back to the floor. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW!"

Mitsuru tried to back away. I didn't let him.

"WHAT THE DAMN HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT **'DANGEROUS?'**" I roared, hauling him right up and close by the collar of his shirt, making sure he could see I meant _every_ word. "Have you ever been _stabbed?_ Have you been attacked by insane reality-rewriters? _Twice_? Have you ever had to play a game you thought innocent and possibly even fun only to find the world might _end_ over it? Have you faced down armies of Shinjin giants intent on destroying _everything_ they see, had to live and lie around a girl who could simply destroy the universe the _second_ she realises the game is up and that her entire life is just fabricated nonsense? Have you been overjoyed to meet an old friend only to find she's practically being _held hostage_ by powers that really don't give a damn about humanity... and she _doesn't even mind?_ Have _you_ had to save the universe, time and time again, _over _and_ over_ only for nothing to change, nothing ever slowing down, finally finding your place in that mad world only for someone to pull it out from under your feet without so much as a warning or a reason why? Have YOU ever had to... ever found that all your loved ones are different? That all your friends don't even know your name and everything been taken away from you and you don't even know why...?"

I trembled slightly, my grip on his collar weakening, before tightening into fists and pushed him away into a wall. I didn't even see Mitsuru's horror or Nagato's alarm (yes, genuine alarm. From Nagato. That's how completely out of character we all were), I didn't see the tears dropping down my face, I just saw _him_. The wrong, inaccurate _knock-off_ of my old and lovely sempai. The embodiment of every thing damn thing wrong with the world at that _exact_ point.

In short, I saw red.

Mitsuru hit the wall and quivered. When I spoke again, my voice was low and dangerous. "This might be the only way I can get back home, do you realise that? The only way I can fix things, get everything back to how it should be. The only way I have of getting my friends, my family, my _loved ones_ back... to how it should be. I finally accepted that life, you realise that? It was so hard, it took me so long to realise... and you want to stop me because it _could be_ dangerous? Well fuck you."

I swallowed, and every hint of weakness or emotion left me entirely. "Hear this Mit_suru_. I don't give a damn if it's hard. I don't give a damn if it's dangerous, if it could get me stabbed again, or even worse. I don't care if I have to turn _this_ world completely _upside down_ to do it – in fact, I don't care _period_. I will do whatever it takes, whatever the cost, whoever I have to fight, whoever I have to _kill_. Believe me Mitsuru, you do not want to mess with me, because not even your older self knows _quite_ what I'm capable of."

I stepped right up close and looked him in his quivering eyes. "_Understand?_"

Mitsuru wilted pathetically, and I let him to slide down to the floor in disgust.

"Oh, and one more thing." I said behind me as I headed for the ext. "You can't talk about not revealing the future or breaking the rules either." I opened the door and looked back to the still shaking boy in the corner. "Can you?

..._Snow White._"

* * *

End of Chapter 4.

* * *

EDIT: It's quite likely I'll revise this chapter at some point. Simply put, I don't think it flows well. This is the problem when you make stuff up as you go along: if you take long breaks between writing parts of it, it'll come across as schizophrenic because you'll have forgotten what was going through your mind when writing the last part and you're usually not in the same mood (though that can be fixed easily by simply rereading what you've already written). Even so, I want to work on the flow a bit more, put a few more little hints that Kyonko is slowly starting to break... I always intented for that outburst to happen, though I admit I never planned for Mitsuru to spark it. No offence to any Mikuru fans (looking back, she kinda gets shafted a bit in Parallel Running too...)


	5. Not A Rewrite Notice

**Flipswitch (Mark Two) by MrCJ (aka Guessmyname)**  
_Please don't sue me oh pretty, pretty corporate executive?_

**Chapter 5: Not A Rewrite Notice  
**_Yes, that's an in-joke_**  
_(Alternative title: What Happens When You Kick The 'Jumping The Gender Barrier' Trope Repeatedly In The Head And Not Just To Get An Absurdly Long Chapter Heading)_**

* * *

After that little speech I couldn't very well return to the classroom, and due to circumstance I couldn't very well claim a sicky and go home - not that I _couldn't_ but... it just didn't appeal to me. I don't think I have to tell you why.

So isolated, I wandered into a park. I don't know which one, I wasn't really paying attention, but there I was, sitting on a bench. All depressed and alone. Of course, most people in school uniform outside at this time of day were the delinquent type skiving off lessons, but I guess even the most casual of observers could tell I was outside for a different reason, and left me to my quiet.

Which leads to the one thing currently running around in my head. I'll give you a hint: it's not a hamster in a little wheel.

...I still can't believe I just said all that crap.

Am I really that shallow that I base things off physical appearance alone? Male shell or not, I just shouted down, violently traumatised and _indirectly threatened to kill_ Mikuru. And in front of _Nagato_ too. Where the hell did _that_ come from?

Hah. Look at me. The great unflappable Kyon brought low. People used to spend ages in Junior High trying to shock me or make me lose my cool before Haruhi turned up. Turns out all you need is a time-travelling queen of tea leaves in a man-suit with a dose of world-gone-wrong. Who knew.

'not even your older self knows quite what I'm capable of.' What nonsense is that? As I've delighted in mentioning time and time again, I have all the supernatural abilities of a cucumber that's been left outside in the sun too long. My only weapon _was _influence, but now even that's gone. The most I have now is knowledge of the future, but even that's going to become more and more obsolete the more I dent the timeline out of shape.

Well, that's not quite true. If physical appearance _is_ notwithstanding, I still know the individual members of the SOS Brigade, least of all Haruhi. Whilst I _don't_ know their superiors, I _do_ know them. I know how they think, how they'll likely react. Better than nothing, I suppose.

To sum up: At my, hell, the SOS Brigade's weakest point in its schizophrenic history, I have just convinced my very, very, _very_ powerful friends that I am a highly dangerous, amoral lunatic. Well done, Kyon, well done. Clap clap, three cheers; congratulations, you're officially a dead man. Woman. Oh who gives a damn any more. I'm surprised they haven't come for me yet. From that I can only assume they're hoping I'll calm down, but if I so much as try _anything.._.

I mean, sure I could provoke Haruhi/ko, but, hell; who _couldn't_? And if I did, what would that solve? They'd kill me before I got the chance, and even if my death revealed the truth of this world, what would that achieve? The world wouldn't be put right again, hell, most likely I'd just end up bringing reality down with me. Which might be the other reason they haven't killed me yet, in hindsight. Don't worry though, I'm not that egotistical a bastard to want the end of the world as a testament to my death.

Good god, I'm getting depressing here, aren't I?

Okay, pull it together. Review the options. Find a way out of this mess that doesn't involve digging into it so deep you drown.

Let's see. No-one's tried to kill me yet, and I've been sitting here like sniper-bait for god-knows long already; we can rule that one out. That means the other factions are either giving me a chance (to do what, I don't know) or just can't make their move yet, or they've realised I'm mostly just blustering, which might actually work to my advantage at some point if it's true. Haruhiko is still firmly in the dark and convinced he's the only one holding the flashlight, so I'm in luck there; that little bomb hasn't gone off yet. Itsuki/Itsuko/Whatever won't be arriving for a while, and oh, yeah, I've still progressed a grand amount of nowhere into figuring out just exactly what's caused this ridiculous mess in the first place. Mikuru/Misturu is probably scared to death of me right about now and Nagato is probably wondering what he got himself into. I can address those last two points fairly easily, but...

The question is now one of timing. I can sort this mess out, yes. To do that, it's probably best to do it at the same time; both in the same room hearing the same explanation. Besides, if I went after them one by one, they'd probably think I was planning to off them or something (especially Mitsuru). At least if I run him down to explain with Nagato in the room, he'll feel safer. Let's face it; _nothing_ can touch Nagato. So, first off, deal with Mitsuru and all his insecurities. Doing this in front of Nagato will ease the process, and hopefully quell any doubts he has too. Getting the two of them into the same room will be a harder task - I'll probably have to bring Nagato along in the hunt for our time-traveller / official club misfortune magnet and do things that way. If I corner Mitsuru alone at any point, he'll probably collapse out of fright. Given that he'll probably do that anyway, Nagato or no, it'll be best to do that after school to avoid making a scene, which also means I'll have to get the Calligraphy Club's timetable. Right, that's that problem addressed.

Issue 2: How to explain my spontaneous absence and where am I going to sleep tonight? I'm basically pulling a delinquent and dodging class, they'll want an explanation. I suppose I could always claim emotional instability, which would get sympathy from the faculty and also wouldn't be a lie (much). Though I'll also have to explain why I was emotionally unstable that day... claim personal reasons? Be all enigmatic and be shouldering the burden all by myself? Or would that spur too much attention... damn...

Looks like I'll have to wing that one. Oh well, can't plan out everything.

As for the where-to-sleep thing... I just can't go home right now. Not because they won't take me in... more of a personal thing. I don't think I need to explain why, do I? This gender-bender thing is really messing up my head...

So. Can't sleep out on the streets; I'll look and smell terrible in the morning, be utterly screwed if it rains (which means it probably will) and I'd be left to the tender mercies of the night crowd - not the best of plans for a fifteen year old schoolgirl. Call in sleepover with a friend? Kunikida's too smart; he'll spot holes in any reason I give and he'll ask too many questions. And I'm still thinking of _her_ as a boy, which could be a quick recipe for awkwardness... Taniguchi then? Probably the best plan. I'll have to contact her when school ends, and my parents I suppose. Whilst, yes, I knew her/him in my 'previous life', I never paid much attention, plus his 'girl persona' is different enough to the lascivious male I knew way back when to reduce the 'gender shock'. His parents and any other family members will have switched too, but I've never met them, so that probably won't affect me half as much.

Haha, look at me; all this planning just for a sleepover! When did I start channelling a certain Black Prince from a mecha anime?

Heh. Well, I guess that's that sorted out...

...

...and now I have nothing to do for three hours.

* * *

Three hours later, and Taniguchi got a very interesting phone call.

"What, a _sleepover? _Seriously! _Awesome_! Sure, you can come! Haha! Let me just contact my parents..."

The hang-up tone beeped and I flicked my phone shut with a satisfied smile; like Shamisen with cream within licking distance (whether we set it out for him or not). Speaking of which, I wonder I'll ever make reacquaintance with that stray old cat... and if the Flip also applies to animals. Eh, either way...

Time to contact my end.

"Hi, Dad?"

"Hello? Ah Kyonko! You coming home now?"

"Not quite. I'm having a sleepover with a friend of mine, Taniguchi. That okay with you?"

"Taniguchi? That big sporty girl, grey hair?"

"Yes, her."

"Well, okay. I guess..."

I smiled to myself, relieved. He was accepting it. "It's only for a night, I won't be gone long."

"No, no, I'm just surprised is all! You've made a friend so quickly, it's just not like you usually to get so close!"

...Eh? How so?

"I'll see you soon! Bye, love you!"

Hey, don't hang up on such an ambiguous statement! Oi!

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. This time the phone was shut with no smirk at all.

...What on earth was that about?

* * *

Taniguchi greeted me with a giddy smile. "Kyonko! You're early!"

Well yes. Having wandered around town for three hours, I'm quite tired of it. I couldn't even buy anything or go to the arcade; never brought any real money with me to school. Plus I'd have to haul any purchases around everywhere. Not fun.

"Haha, don't just stand there! Come in, come in!"

Taniguchi grabbed me around the shoulders sisterly and more or less lifted me into her home (she's taller than me by about-or-over a head's distance). I slid my shoes off as fast I could with her still limpetting my shoulders. Taniguchi's house was fairly ordinary: white plaster outside, pale green wallpaper inside with wooden plank floors with rugs and futons to lounge around on. Taniguchi pushed me up to her room, still guiding me by the shoulders and gabbering about how happy she was to be holding a sleepover and how much fun they'd be having and the movies we'd watch and blah blah blah blah blah (I stopped listening). I came here basically because I was running away. I'll be honest; I just need to sort out of my thoughts a little away from 'home'. This is simply the way of doing so that generates the least attention. Unfortunately, it also seems to be the least conductive to actually sitting down and thinking...

It's a trade-off, I guess.

Having introduced me to the bedroom we'd be sharing, Taniguchi lead me back to her living room. Her parents were out for a few days for their anniversary or some-such, so it would be just us and the futons (I have no idea whether to think of this as a good thing or not). We lounged around for a while, talking about nothing in particular (or rather, Taniguchi talked, I just nodded and made a few comments every now and then) and watching TV. I, meanwhile, mulled things over in my brain as best I could.

My parents... don't really feel like my parents I guess. I know the gender-flip was effectively swapped their roles and screwed up a number of other things along the way, to be expected I suppose, but there are a few niggling changes that I can't pin down the reasons for...

My dad's a househusband and my mother's an officelady. That's fine; in my previous life things were similar (standard Japanese nuclear family: male householder making the money, female house carer, one daughter and one elder son), I have no problems with that, though thinking of my mother as my 'father' and my father as my 'mother' is confusing at times. I suppose this switch in stereotypical gender roles is spread worldwide... I wonder what the Suffragette movement was like and if male office workers are having difficulty with glass ceilings? My sister is my sister is my brother; nothing much has changed there, though he seems a bit less mature for his age (probably because he had my 'father' for a dominant parental figure...) and a bit more dependant on me, though I haven't really looked into this. And... and since when was Mum like that anyway? I certainly never saw or heard her trying to impersonate Shakespeare, she was always on my head over my grades the entire time! I guess I've been avoiding the issue, never a good course of action...

"Kyonko?"

Eh? Oh, not _another_ monologue interruption! I try to think a situation through, suddenly everyone wants a word in edgewise!

"Er... sorry, you just seemed to be spacing out..."

"I'm fine, Taniguchi. Fine."

"Is everything okay?"

"No. Absolutely everything being okay is a logical impossibility." The moment it is, events will conspire to make it otherwise.

"Alright little Miss Sunshine, only asking! Seriously though, you like you kinda don't wanna... be here." The loveless girl looked almost insecure. Congrats, you just rose by 0.14 fem!Mikurus on the Moe-ometer!

"Taniguchi, I'm _fine_." Don't try and understand my problems; I'm having enough difficulty by myself and at least _I _have a first clue what's going on. "So, you were saying about that new batter in the school baseball team?"

"Oh, yeah! Arms like bound steel; TOTALLY hot, put him on an A+ rank at least! You should see what he's like on the pitch..."

* * *

All in all, I think that little time away helped. Mad confusion abound of course when I woke up in a bed that wasn't mine (and a body and clothes etc etc), but that was just temporary. When I left for North High after thanking Taniguchi's returned parents (and Taniguchi herself, of course), I felt genuinely refreshed for once! Not to the point of skipping up the hill or trying to sing in the rain, just the pleasant feeling of an unburdened soul. Catharsis, that's the word I'm looking for.

Taniguchi... I guess I can relate to, in a way. It seems the more exemplary a person was of a certain gender-specific stereotype, the more the gender-flip had to change them. If you're looking for other examples, look no further than male-Mikuru. People like Haruhiko and fem-Kunikida who have their own personalities are much more like their original selves as theirs were less anchored to their gender. In this way they're harder to relate to; they're like the original person in the big ways, but different enough in the little ones to throw you; like an artist trying to copy another's style. Taniguchi, meanwhile, has changed considerably; whilst still close enough to her 'old' self to be recognisable, she's still different enough to feel that not knowing her completely is itself completely natural. Or maybe she's just that open a character; who knows.

I reached the gate on time. Taniguchi lives on the opposite side of the school, which means no hill. That probably helped too. Taniguchi walked with me; obviously, we took the same route. I'd say we talked, but really it was more her gossiping on about boys and her ranking system whilst I nodded and made the odd snarky comment here and there at the appropriate moment, as befits my role of Lone Sane Man (sorta). We parted at the lockers and waved as we went our separate ways to switch our separate shoes.

And that's when events started conspiring against me. Again.

When I pulled out my indoor 'slippers', I found a small handwritten note on them.

"After school, once everyone else has left, meet me in the 1-5 classroom."

...I don't have to remind you who last wrote those words, do I?

* * *

When I entered the classroom in time for the first bell, my good mood had deflated like a hot-air balloon being bombarded by a battleship with full broadside.

Asakura flashed me a kind 'class-rep' smile as I entered. I tried not to flee. The classroom was full, I was safe, I was safe I was _safe..._

Fem-Okabe looked down at her notes as she shuffled the class register into a folder. "Ah, yes. Today's the day for sorting out the seating arrangements. Ryouko-kun, if you could do the honours?"

"Of course, Sensei!"

Uh-oh. He picked up a tin full of little torn strips of paper you had to pluck out from, containing the number of the seat you'd be taking for as long as until the next rota. 'She' had done this last time as well, but back then I hadn't known she was a knife-wielding hypermaniac and the whole thing had simply been polite and normal.

Now? Slightly less so.

We'd stood up and formed a queue, leaving our seats empty. As we one-by-one reached the teacher's desk, we removed a crumpled piece of paper at random, unfolded it and read the number, and then went to our new seat. The piece paper in most cases found itself sailing gaily into the recycle bin on the way past. Ryouko was at the front, watching over the proceedings with that kind, caringly innocent smile of his, offering words of encouragement or congratulations when people found their new seats. As I shuffled further and further as my part of the line moved closer and closer, I couldn't stop thinking about the note.

Last time, she'd tried to kill me. The next time I met her, she tried it again, getting far enough to stab me before being stopped again when I had to come back and rescue my past self a second time. Every time I meet Asakura Ryoukp, she attempts to murder me, whatever her appearance; be her a humanoid Interface of the Integrated Sentient Data Entity or ordinary schoolgirl with an protectively deadly eye on the diminutive literature club bookworm, stabbing me is always high on that person's list of priorities.

Past experience clearly states that this time will be no different. _Especially_ if the switch is only physical, as I suspect it is.

What doesn't make any sense is the timing. I mean, the SOS Brigade hasn't even been _formed_ yet! How long has it been since school began? A month? Two? This is far too early! Sweet Christ, Itsuki isn't even _here_ yet!

Not that that's going to make me any calmer. If anything, he could be trying to remove me from the situation after my outburst at Mitsuru yesterday evening. Damn it, why did I even do that in the first place?!

Can I warn Nagato? Should I go? Will the sole member of the Literature Club rise up to my defence at the last second or leave me out on a dangling line? If the entirety of the Data Entity sees me as a threat, will they allow him to move? Hell, Asakura wasn't even in the room at the time; of the Interfaces, Nagato was the only witness. If Asakura is aware of that stupid threat of mine, the only place he could have heard it from was him!

I reached the front desk. Asakura smiled politely. For a second, I forgot what I was there for, then I snatched a piece of paper and scuttled away before I'd even seen it.

Huh, that's odd. I've snagged one of the seats on the front row near the door. I quick look over my shoulder confirmed that Haruhiko was still sitting by the window that had been our domain since the entirety of our first year 'last time around'. He shot me a glare and settled into his seat comfortably. I belated realised that my seat was pretty much as far away from his as it could possibly be, and had a sudden urge to snicker.

Then Asakura called the class to order again, and I sat down quickly. Very quickly.

* * *

My only options are obvious. Lock self in SOS Clubroom, pray Nagato happens to be on my side and that Asakura has a short memory span. Or capacity. However it works for Interfaces.

Dispensing plan in 3... 2... 1...

* * *

It's a stupid habit, I know, but even to this (recursive) day, I think I will always knock before entering the Clubroom. Literature Club or not, that door is sacred.

A deep, baritone voice answered. Nagato. Thank God.

"Come in."

I did.

Mitsuru 'eeped' immediately and hid behind Nagato's chair. Nagato himself, meanwhile, simply looked irritated. I hope that was at Mitsuru, not me.

Come to think of it, is it me or is Nagato 'emoting' more? It's a lot easier to read his expression that I recall in the original, diminutive girl I once had the fortune of knowing. It's either that or someone set his default emotion to 'annoyed'. You might want to do something about that, Nagato; it's kinda looking like someone smacked you in the face with a lemon.

Nagato looked irritated. I stopped talking out loud.

...

Crap, how do I do this...?

"I... erm..."

Don't fidget. Don't fidget. Don't fidget. Don't f- -damn it.

"I - look. Um... Sorry."

Mitsuru... didn't pop his head over Nagato's shoulder. I took that as a bad sign. I guess it was a bit stupid to assume an apology was enough.

Oh, damn it, why am I just standing around like this?! They're my friends, for God's sake; male or female it shouldn't be THIS hard to apologise!

I bet it's my new hormones. Must be. Absolutely.

"I just... well, it was a bit of a bad day."

Was it? It was afterwards...

"...but, er..."

"I just, look -er - look I didn't mean what I'd said, alright?!"

Mitsuru peeked his head over Nagato's shoulder. He's still scared like a cat before a mouse, but hey, it's a start. Something to build on, at least.

"I - I, look, it's just... trying, okay? It's hard. Everything I'm used to is thrown out the window, and no-one seems to care. I- I know it's your fault; you don't even know what's missing, but... well, it's just hard." And if the 'real world' is still going on along without me, there could all kinds of trouble brewing. "And I have no idea _why_ this is happening either..."

I sighed.

"Don't worry. I won't everything over sideways. I'm not going to go revealing everything to Haruhiko or anything stupid like that. I _want_ to get back home; don't get me wrong there, but... well, don't worry. I'll work as quietly as you like."

Well, having said that, my 'working' will mostly involve prodding Nagato into getting me home seeing as I'm as powerful as a drowned rat in winter. Eh, I guess I'll have to bring that up later...

"Plus, I think I may have screwed things up here a tad just by existing... I guess I feel... kinda responsible?"

I rubbed the back of my head awkwardly, then wondered a second about what I'd just said.

Responsible? Yes, I guess so. Whilst it's not my fault I'm actually here, I've certainly been less than subtle in trying to amend that. It worked the last time I was in this sort of situation... I guess this one's a bit different, huh? Rather than anything major changing, I've just been kicked back the timeline one year and been given a free demonstration of someone-or-other's fancy new gender swapping technology (or however this mess was pulled off). No-one's actually changed, much, they're still themselves if you're willing to look past the superficial. Nagato is still Nagato. Haruhiko is still Haruhi (unfortunately) and Mitsuru is... no, perhaps not. I dunno. One burning bridge at a time, please...

...

You know? Through the entirety of that little speech I've just made, Nagato has been sitting quietly and Mitsuru has been quivering. Damnit, when _is _Itsuki going to turn up? I want someone I can have a sane conversation with!

Finally, Nagato spoke.

"I see."

Wow. That really says it all; I'm honoured. Have you considered joining the Public Speaking Club? Your words are just flowing right over me!

I snapped out of sarcasm mode the moment he shut his book. Something Nagato takes more seriously than reading is always important.

"With this, the quadrumvirate surround Haruhiko Suzumiya is complete."

I blinked. "Pardon?"

He turned his head to mine. On closer inspection, he actually does have a blank expression. It's just the shape of his eyes and eyebrows that give that impression of irritability.

"The four factions created by the subconscious of Haruhiko Suzumiya are now in attendance. We can abort the search for the fourth."

"Huh? Who, why... what?"

Nagato blinked, looking at me as though confused, and asked me a question for the very first time.

"...You're the slider, are you not?"

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, so I've more or less forced myself to stop this chapter here. I've done my Parallel Running thing... set up a number of things to be dealt with shortly. If I keep going... I'll keep going, and we'll have a 12000-word long leviathan staring at us in the face... Thus, for the sake of our scrollbars (and my sleeping pattern), here is Chapter 5...

Look forwards to Chapter 6. I can guarantee it; what happens next... you won't see it coming. *Grins evilly*

On a side note, I can't wait for Itsuko to turn up. So many jokes...

Also, does anyone know if Quadrumvate is actually a word? If there's Triumvate (ie 'a group of three people'), there should be a Quadrumvate... OpenOffice's spellcheck says it doesn't exist, but then again it also doesn't recognise 'music' as a word either... -_-  
EDIT: Thanks to Akai-Kurenai for sorting that out!

And I've just realised the Alternative Title doesn't really apply to Chapter 5 anymore... 6 or 7, maybe... *facepalms*


	6. I Couldn't Think of a Witty Title, so

**Flipswitch (Mark Two) by MrCJ (aka Guessmyname)**  
_...eh, you can't find me anyway. MWHAHAHA, I OWN THE UNIVERSE!_

**Chapter 6: I Couldn't Think of a Witty Title, so Here's a Nagato with a Pancake on His Head.**

* * *

"...sorry, could you say that again?"

Nagato even repeated his expression and intonation. Not much, but still: "...You're the slider, are you not?"

I-what? I'm not a slider! I'm a human, I'm an ordinary human! Itsuki even offered to get me a certificate! Damn, if I'd only taken up that offer-

"You are a displaced person. You are not from here. Your world is different, thus fuelling your desire for change. You fulfil the requirements for the definition of a trans-dimensional being; humanity or race is not considered in making this judgement – they are immaterial. You are a slider."

Nononono... wait. Stop. "I can't be a slider."

"Why?"

"I..." Hmm. How to put this... "Look. You're an alien, yes?"

"By definition."

"Mitsuru there is a Time-Traveller, yes?"

Mitsuru nodded.

"The as-yet unrepresented Organisation is a group of ESPers, yes?"

"In part."

"And each of you can display your abilities at will, yes? Mikuru may have to get permission, but she can use her TPDD at her volition. You can display your inhuman nature at your own volition. The Organisation can display its ESP abilities at its own volition; under specific conditions, but they still choose to do so, correct?"

Nagato nodded. Mitsuru looked confused.

"I cannot 'shift planes' or whatever at my own volition, I haven't even the first clue! I'm not the one who dumped me in here. I cannot be a slider."

Nagato paused, considering. "Nevertheless, your actions are not those of a ordinary senior school student. Even if you have no abilities, because of your experiences, you are abnormal."

Anyone who's exposed to Haruhi for over 5 minutes is abnormal!

"Your life history and knowledge are out of the ordinary; to use a literary cliché in it's most literal sense, you are 'out of this world'. For this, Haruhiko Suzumiya can, will and has taken interest in you, by your own individual actions."

I stared. Nagato was being completely serious as he calmly and rationally broke down my entire counter-argument.

"Technical expertise is not important. Willingness is not important. What matters is what is; you have crossed dimensional barriers. For this reason alone, you are a slider."

...

Is _this _why I'm stuck here? Someone, please, tell me this is not the case...

I've had enough trouble with one Haruhi. The last thing I want is for my life to be turned upside down by the boredom of _another _one!

Nagato had returned his attentions to his book. "With regard to the under-representation of the Organisation and its members, a consul should be arriving shortly."

I raised my head hopefully. Itsuki's coming soon? Finally! I never thought I'd see the day I actually wanted to his uselessly smiling face, but at least the Organisation is something I can properly comprehend, unlike most things in this damn universe. Or should that be universe_s_? Oh great, is that _another _semantical field I'm going to spend my entire life being confused over now?

Still... the idea that this occurred because of a dimensional hop is certainly surprising. I'd never have thought of that otherwise.

...Please don't tell me I now have an infinite number of parallel Haruhis to deal with now as well? If that's the case, could someone please just do the kind thing and just shoot me?

"Also," Nagato said, flipping a page, "Asakura Ryou is requesting your presence."

...I really should stop tempting Fate into kicking me in the head.

* * *

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes."

"I am not!"

"You are."

"I am not going out there."

"I was not trying to confer that implication, I am merely informing you that your presence has been requested by Asakura Ryou. If there was a discrepancy in the transmission of data, I apologise."

"..."

The sound of a hand meeting a forehead echoed throughout the clubroom in a gesture long since transferred into the realm of reflex.

"Look, I am not going out there!"

I had one hand pointed at the clubroom door and scary, knife-wielding lunatic infested world beyond. The other was clutched around my chest, as though expecting to have to staunch a wound there any second. Nagato looked at me as though he was thinking 'Message Understood. Data Analysed.' Very sympathetic. Mother Teresa would be proud.

Wait, if Nagato knows Asakura is out to get me, wouldn't that mean he's in on it too?! Crap, they really did take me seriously! Those idiots! Damn it, of all things why was I born with such a straight face?

Mitsuru was simply watching us blankly without a clue what was going on. I'd forgotten he hadn't heard about Asakura beforehand.

"Nagato, I can assure you, Asakura Ryouko has tried to kill me twice already! I will not fall for it a third time!"

Nagato looked up at me seriously. "If you want me to, I can accompany you."

I blinked.

"You would?"

Nagato nodded.

"...Really?"

Nagato nodded.

"...Huh."

* * *

Okay, I admit. I have no idea what made me agree to this. I think surprise might have had something to do with it.

"Um... is he waiting for us, anywhere?"

Nagato simply looked at me. "Paper."

"Huh? Oh, oh – right, yes... oops."

_After school, once everyone else has left, meet me in the 1-5 classroom._

It was after school. Everyone had left.

Well, _nearly _everyone.

When I hesitated, Nagato walked up to the 1-5 classroom without a word, and opened the door. I stifled the curse before it came.

"It's you." I deadpanned, trying to keep any quiver out of my voice.

"Yes, are you surprised?" Asakura replied, speed and intonation (if not pitch) so in line with my memories that I actually flinched slightly.

The knife-nutted bastard spotted the gesture and smiled, amused. "Is there something wrong?"

"_Yes."_

His face made an exaggerated sigh. "Then I guess there's something wrong."

I frowned. Something seemed a little off here, and it wasn't just appearances.

He was chuckling now. "And you brought Yuki too, how sweet."

"I was requested."

"I'll bet."

"..."

"...Ah, never mind..."

Nagato's gaze seemed to pierce. Whatever the case, Asakura quickly looked away at the floor as though he'd made a mistake. Then the smile returned in force, his gaze directed at me.

"So. Surprised?"

"No." I replied coldly. Asakura sighed again.

"I guess you wouldn't. Did I really try to stab you?"

I blinked. "-eh?"

Asakura shrugged, chuckling a little. "Did I really try to stab you? It's a legitimate question for all it's absurdity; you'd expect me to be aware of my own actions after all, and an event such as attempted pre-meditated murder should normally be remembered save by such extraordinary circumstances as our own. So; did I really stab you?"

I stared at him, both bewildered and angry. What the hell was trying to pull? "...Yes! You did! Twice!"

"Then I apologise." He said with a sweeping bow.

...

I may have blinked. I may have blinked more than once.

"...What?"

Asakura straightened up again, looking aside to himself with a pained but strangely wistful smile. "For an Interface to go rouge to such an extent; how embarrassing..."

...Is this just because Nagato is here? If you're trying to put me at ease you're failing miserably!

Asakura laughed again. It was strange, neither particularly feminine or masculine. It was a quiet, private laugh; directed at himself. I got the impression it was one he was used to giving.

"My apologies. My social processors may be the most advanced, but I was never designed to console."

There's nothing to console you murdering bastard! As I recall, you have no concept of death either!

"Aah, but is that really so surprising? Neither has Nagato-san. Neither has Emiro-san. We are Interfaces; we do not die."

You should at least know it's wrong!

The boy just shrugged unapologetically. "Perhaps. But as a back-up, I would only be required to take the field in particularly extreme situations, of the sort Yuki here would be incapable of dealing on his own. You are aware of the Macrospatial Quantum Cosmic Existence, are you not?"

I nodded. Kuyoh Suou is hard to forget.

"In the event of hostilities, it makes sense for the backup to be unempathic, correct? Besides, if something is wrong, you have to stop it, right? Your earlier self at least has been noted to read stories relating to issue of stopping death en-mass on at least one occasion within this year. And where would you pull the line? What about bacteria, or old age, or cancer cells? Death is death. The old out for the new. Why would we stop it?"

Er...

"In any case, a camera is not expected emotion, yet as a member of your class appearing inhuman was to be avoided at any cost. The most advanced interactor being tasked with observation... how mind dulling."

I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're trying to say here.

Asakura smiled. "In terms of thinking and operating at a human level, of the Interfaces I am the most capable. It was to be my camouflage; from Haruhiko Suzumiya, you understand? I eat, I drink. I sleep, I think. I have desires, I have dislikes; there are tasks I enjoy and tasks I detest. Being stuck with observation of an unchanging subject... how tiresome."

Even so, going to the extent of murder is a bit much!

Asakura shrugged. "That was another me. I cannot speak for her. Certainly, in such a situation I would have thought I would have at least tried to change 'Miss' Suzumiya's perceptions in less drastic ways beforehand. If it proved necessary however I would not hesitate."

I backstepped. "_What?!_" And to think I was starting to sympathise!

He actually looked surprised. "Because it's necessary. If it's necessary, you do it, right?"

For clarity, I should explain. He said this with complete sincerity. Like it was an irrefutable law of the universe or something.

He laughed. "But that's not the issue here. Believe me, as much as I speak, I will never threaten to stab you."

With a fluid, childlike motion he hitched himself up to be sitting on Okabe's desk, legs dangling playfully despite their length.

"In truth, I actually wanted to thank you."

The world abruptly decided to turn itself sideways.

Metaphorically, of course.

"...pardon?"

Asakura shrugged with an easy smile. "What? What's so complicated about it? I wanted to thank you. The data explosion from Haruhiko Suzumiya has changed dramatically now; we're receiving a far superior flow of critical data! We're nearly struggling to analyse it all; thanks to you, we even may be able to fully realise the secret of auto-evolution somewhere within this century! It's a breakthrough!"

..._wha_...?

"This is not an ordered action. Believe me, I am thanking you out of my own volition; due to my programming I'm probably the only Interface actually capable... heh. You've made change. The subject is no longer static! Thank you."

And then he bowed again, as if all of that had just made sense.

Seeing my stunned expression (I'm assuming I looked stunned; I was too caught up trying to process everything to really pay attention to the look on my face), he laughed again – more genuinely this time. "I'm sorry, I suppose this must come as a bit of a turnaround... Here, I'll try to make it up to you. I hear you've made quite a few enemies, you know?"

I finally snapped back into real time.

"Er- no! No, nonono, that's okay, that's okay! I can deal with that! I'll be fine!"

"Really? Oh, okay. Damn. Guess I'm just back to observing, I guess?"

That last question was directed at Nagato, who simply nodded mechanically, having taken in the entire dialogue above without so much as a blink. Asakura sighed. I, caught in between them, simply hadn't a clue... though I started to suspect Yuki _may_ have had an idea of his partner's intentions...

I stopped scowling when he turned to look at me, irritation plastered over his face as usual. Seriously, Yuki, lay off the lemons. They're not doing you any good.

Asakura cleared his throat.

"So... um..." I began, finally finding my voice properly again and trying not to flinch, "...what happens now?"

Asakura simply shrugged, legs still swinging boyishly off the desk. "I have no idea. That's what's making things so interesting!"

"Oh. Well... um, great!" ...I think? Maybe?

Asakura laughed and, sliding off the desk, patted me on the head. I hate being small. And why are the Interfaces all so tall now? No fair!

"Well, don't worry. If you don't want me around, I won't be. I won't trouble you further." He tried to playfully mess up my hair, but I swatted his hand aside. His smile didn't falter a millimetre.

Asakura leaned back straight, smiled again at Nagato and happily trotted off down the corridor, waving a hand over his shoulder and chuckling. "See you around! Keep pushing Haruhiko around for me! If you need a hand, let me know!"

...

Well that...

...that was...

..._wha?_

* * *

With hindsight, Yuki Nagato was perhaps not the best person to be complaining to. In my defence, I think I was simply venting. I don't think I cared about my audience at the time. No offence, Nagato.

"-what the _hell_ was he thinking? If he's heard _anything _of what I've been telling you, shouldn't he have _known_ I'd _avoid _him?"

"..."

"I mean, jeez; surely it should be common sense that if someone _knows_ you're the knife-wielding incarnation of the mad axe murderer, they're going to be _a bit put off!_"

"..."

"And if _you _could start commenting rather than leaving me to just rant on my own, I _might_ be able to go a _bit _less insane!"

"...I am not Asakura Ryou."

I looked at Nagato as though he'd spontaneously grown an extra head (which is actually a lower order of 'stunned' than it would be usually, considering that's something he could feasibly do). "Nah, really?"

Nagato did not shrug. "I am not privy to his decision making process. I cannot explain his actions due from lack of relevant data."

I sighed, and stopped pacing around the clubroom. Nagato simply watched me from his perch on the lone table, book in hand but unopened. It was an odd sight. If the old Nagato had been sitting there in that position, her legs would not meet the floor. The new one's did; it was an extremely gangly sitting position, somehow both graceful and casual at the same time. It sent my shojo-detectors spinning so fast they could power a trip to the moon... why does changing an Interface's gender flag automatically make them several feet taller? Maybe it's my own reduced stature talking, but come on, changing someone's gender shouldn't be that drastic in its results!

Of course, this being an alternate universe rather than a straightforward gender flip like I'd gone flapping around like a wild woodpigeon trying to understand... eeurgh...

I suddenly realised I'd wandered off track, and frowned, ordinary-ish reality snapping back into focus. Usually, by that point someone (usually Taniguchi) would have given my little bubble of mental fireworks a prod by now and I'd remember where I was. No such luck with Nagato, however. Why I so prone to spacing out so much now?

Another sigh. Topic at hand, Kyon. Topic at hand. And why am I thinking of myself as Kyon, I hate that stu- Argh! I'm doing it again! "Nagato, you've known him for 3 years, right?" I forced out, before I could sidetrack myself _again_. Stupid, off-topic female me!

Nagato paused, probably trying to make sense of my complete mess of emotions, then nodded. I sighed as it gave me something to focus on. Asakura _is_ a rather important issue; getting so distracted is getting annoying.

"All your life, right?" I asked him, direct and to the point.

Nagato nodded.

"So, you'd have some observations on his character and methods, correct?"

Another pause. At first, I thought he wasn't going to respond, but then he did eventually nod. "To a limited extent."

"So, predict his actions and extrapolate."

Nagato nodded without hesitation... and then didn't respond.

"...Well?" I asked, wondering if had to tell him to voice said extrapolations _out loud_ as well.

"Calculations in progress. This Interface will be restored to external input within 31.502 seconds. Please wait."

I smiled wryly, and nodded.

* * *

"Calculations complete. Processing...

...

...

Processing complete. Evaluating...

...

...

Evaluation complete. Analysing...

Asakura Ryou's motivations are likely to be his own, as explicitly stated by him. He has a statistically notable preference for truth, but also for instability. He is statistically shown to prefer openness; there are only two confirmed cases of Ryou lying without order and with intention. He prefers non-static environments and change; as he was designed for observation, a desire to discover was seen as a useful trait. Equally, in the interests of gaining Haruhiko Suzumiya's trust, it was deemed that lying about unnecessary facts was also counterproductive. These are the guiding lines behind Asakura Ryou's personality, as created by the Integrated Sentient Data Entity. His actions up to the present time concur with this evaluation. The described actions of Asakura Ryouko (rogue, inactive), also concur this evaluation.

...

Analysis complete."

* * *

I sat back and glanced at Nagato. Having finished his recital, he had simply sat down (as in, on a chair this time) and remained still. No motion to go for the book, though, so I assumed he was waiting for me.

"...right." I exhaled slowly. Was it with relief? An end to tension? I have no idea. If you figure out which, let me know, would you?

"So in other words, he _probably_ won't kill us _yet_... specifically because I've been going around like a complete lunatic pissing everyone off."

Nagato blinked. "That may not be a completely accurate repres-"

He was cut off by my laughing. It wasn't much of a happy laugh. Low, quiet and bitter would be more appropriate descriptions. I've had practise. Life with Haruhi is always a matter of 'laugh or you cry'. Especially with Mikuru...

"My life kinda sucks, doesn't it? I just want to settle down in my nice, quiet, ordinary life, only to get flung around like a fish on the line of an energetic ten year-old, all because I tried to make conversation with a girl I thought was interesting. What ever did I do to piss of Karma?" What about God? Oh, wait...

It all boils down to Haruhi, in the end, does it? Trust my luck that just when I get used to one, another drags me off to play the game all over again...

Nagato hadn't responded. I hadn't really expected him to. He simply sat there, quiet, silent and serene. Abruptly, I found myself noticing all the differences. Not in physical terms, but in the situation. Think about it.

This is still the Literature Club.

I probably have a worse reputation than Haruhiko at this point, seeing as he hasn't had a chance to pull anything spectacularly weird yet.

The SOS Brigade is practically reforming itself without him.

Itsuki isn't hear... though that's one of the few things that's supposed to happen, given the timetable.

Myself and Nagato are holding serious conversations on an almost daily basis...

Asakura is _not_ trying to kill me...

Mitsuru's scared stiff off me...

"...I've... kinda messed things up a bit, haven't I?" I realised along, feeling a pang of guilt. There wasn't anything wrong with this world, just that I was in it. It wasn't broken, no-one had changed it, just me tossed in like supernatural driftwood. And I broke it further on the assumption that what was already broken wouldn't matter once I'd reverted it... worked for that alternative 'No Haruhi'-verse... not so much here.

I looked at Nagato, taking in his sharp jaw-line, gleaming glasses orange in the evening sun. I took in his slanted eyes, glinting gold with clear, unhindered intelligence, as though he knew how the world would work and how to change it, if he only had the reason. I took in his short, almost purple hair, how it framed his face and almost seemed to accentuate his masculinity, rather than appear feminine or delicate. I looked at Nagato at saw he was a different person. He hadn't deserved all the havoc I'd wreaked in my ignorance.

All along, I'd assumed there was something wrong, that had to be fixed, and what I'd done to fix it would not matter. For once, when my head met my hand, it was not at the world's stupidity. Everything I've done this far... for the wrong reasons.

I've threatened Mitsuru. Male or no, that's still frickin' _Mikuru_ right there.

I've candidly revealed the true nature of the world to Haruhiko. In a way that he'll never believe me, granted, but still. Not a risk I'd ever dream of pulling in the 'real' world.

I've broken every rule behind time-travel I can think of.

Hell, I've even annoyed, irritated and generally _pissed off_ Haruhiko. _That _certainly can't be good for the environment. Itsuki would hate me.

...I've... really, really, messed things up, haven't I?

"I would not know." Nagato replied solidly. I smiled dryly at the wall.

"No, I suppose you wouldn't." Blessing or curse? We'll see, I suppose.

So... let's see. Situation is screwed to hell, thus Situation is normal. Asakura is being unpredictable. Haruhiko is being predictably unpredictable. Nagato is being steadfast. Mitsuru is... meh. And Itsuki/ko will be here shortly. Things are a little clearer. Some things are worse, some things are better. Most of it's my fault, however you try to look at it.

I sighed, shook my head and rubbed my hands. Can't wallow around in self-pity forever. Nothing'll ever get done. Time to fix things.

Again.

* * *

A/N time! Whoo!

Okay, so this one's a little short. Sorry about that. Even so, I think this a good point to end it. Kyon's come to a little epiphany thingiewhat, the dynamic has shifted (again...) and we see a 'new' side to Asakura.

On the interpretation of Asakura... I think it fits. Think about it; she didn't bother to lie when she tried to kill Kyon, she even told him out right and tried to explain why first. It worked in her head, even if it didn't work in ours. And her reason was boredom in observing a static, unchanging subject. Kyonko in this version has screwed the latter to hell and back in a much shorter time-frame, and Asakura is aware of his/her 'past' actions and their results and consequences. Things will go differently in Flipswitch. I've screwed things up a bit too much for it to return to the Canon plotline with inversed pronouns. For which I am glad.

I'm still predominately making this up as I go along. Now I've got the 'why' this has happened out of the way, expect to see how this new information will be dealt with ;). And expect Asakura to hang around a lot more than a certain person would like.

...And I've just realised that, in order to fit the developments in mind for the next chapter, I'll have to delay Itsuko's appearance _again_. Damnit!

Also: Exams are over! Yay!

-MrCJ

Comments, criticisms and suggestions all welcome. And please mention any typos I've missed. I'll correct them when I can.

EDIT: Just updated a few bits. Really should learn not to post these things at bloody midnight.


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